What happened?!?

Some nights, last week for example, amazing things happen in the youth room at Shepherd of the Valley Lutheran Church.
Some nights...are tonight.
Last week, we had incredible discussions, my students were focused and engrossed. I had them each bring in an article, comic strip or song lyric that deals with religion in one way or another but isn't necessarily from a religious source. One of my girls brought in a political cartoon that had us talking for a good fifteen minutes, sometimes even debating, with my students asking questions that I couldn't answer. It was incredible. Even our tangents were on the ball. I did very little talking, which is always a good thing, because that means the students are carrying on the conversation without me. I was so proud.
Tonight it was like I had a whole different group of kids. It's like someone took my insightful little darlings from last week and replaced them hyperactive look-a-likes. Don't get me wrong, I love my students, they are so full of energy and have a way of simultaneously keeping me young and (on nights like tonight) giving me gray hair. We didn't even get to Bible study tonight. I could tell during highs and lows that I didn't have them. So we tried to recap what we've been talking about in Acts, and I tried to get them to calm down enough for us to at least have a conversation, just a catch up, but one of my girls couldn't stop giggling the entire time, and the boys all wanted to play sardines the whole time.
Let's pray that next week we can find our focus and can get "our Jesus on"...well...we're in Acts, so it's more like getting "our Paul on"

Teenagers...you give them an inch and they swim all over you...

Sharing is Caring

I'm going to start what is sure to be a pretty frivolous post with something somewhat deep...no one owns anything. Sure you can buy things, or have things, or even find things, but there is nothing in this world that anyone can claim sole ownership of.
And now, I rant.
People who like musicians that are 'on the verge' of discovery, or artists that have managed to stay under the radar tend to get very possessive of "their" findings. You may appreciate a certain actor/singer/whatever that not many have heard of yet, but that doesn't mean you're the only one allowed to be a fan. I recently read an article and a corresponding comment that has spurred this post.
The article was brief, but stated that Darren Criss will be joining the cast of 'Glee'. Darren Criss is probably most 'famous' for playing Harry Potter in the fan-based, YouTube broadcasts of 'A Very Potter Musical' and 'A Very Potter Sequel'. Both are hilarious and I highly recommend them to fans of Harry Potter and/or humor! He has also released a five song EP called 'Human'. It will be interesting to see how his voice translates into Glee, but he's a good singer, so I imagine he'll do well. He wrote most of the songs in AVPM and AVPS, so he's pretty talented and in being so, has quite a few fans. Not nearly as many fans as the internationally renowned Glee, however. Which brings me to the comment I read attached to this article. The gist was basically that this person seemed to think that they (and perhaps a select few others) were the only ones allowed to like Darren Criss because they already know who he is. The word 'disappointed' was mentioned. Disappointment in Darren for choosing to come out of obscurity to make his dreams of being famous come true, perhaps? Yes, I realize the more well-known a musician is the more he or she can charge for concert tickets, which can be a bummer. A concert for some unknown singer/songwriter in a dingy club can cost as little as a $5 cover, whereas someone who has established a name for themselves can play huge arenas for upwards of $50. Heck, Elton John sold out the Hollywood Palladium, and those tickets started at around $200!! But, just because you're a fan of someone doesn't mean that their talent shouldn't be shared with others. So dear anonymous commenter, you do not own Darren Criss. He is a very talented guy and I think the world deserves to experience what he has to offer. I'm sorry you 'do not approve', but unless you are Darren's agent, I'm guessing your opinion had very little weight in this situation.
That's all.

What I Did For Love

"If today was the day you had to stop dancing..."

I stopped dancing 6 1/2 years ago...and I miss it so much. I started taking dance classes when I was in elementary school. Tap, Jazz and Ballet. I eventually quit tap, I was the one tapper who couldn't quite sync up with the rest and made the piece sound like crap. I had to perform a tap number for a dance class I took in high school and I took the taps off my shoes so the audience couldn't hear me. Jazz wasn't my favorite, but it was a lot of fun and the costumes were awesome (except for the unfortunate crushed velvet unitard of '99). But Ballet was my favorite. When I was in 7th grade I got to start en pointe, and even though my feet hated me, I couldn't stop loving Ballet. Every Christmas we would perform a piece from 'Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker'; to this day I can't hear Tea (Chinese Dance) without thinking échappé, échappé, possé, possé in my head. Plain and simple, I miss Ballet. I never thought I'd be a professional dancer when I grew up. I knew that this was just a hobby and form of exercise. I wasn't going to be the next Anna Pavlova. I never had aspirations of joining the American Ballet Corps. But I still miss it. I miss my pointe shoes, and my custom made tutu, and pliés, and battements, and tour jetés, and pirouettés, and the absolute high that comes from doing them on a stage with bright lights shining in your eyes.
I miss the perceived grace that came with being a dancer. I miss using that as a way of identifying myself when I was in high school. Michaela was the 'tennis player', Emily was 'the band girl', Natalie was 'the choir girl', Whatsherface was 'on the honor roll', I was 'the dancer'. Whether or not I was all that great (I wasn't), that's who I was. I loved inviting my friends to my recitals. I loved being 'the dancer'.
I remember we were doing a re-fitting my senior year, since none of us had worn our tutus in about a year. So I had my tutu on, and my pointe shoes. I was also wearing some pretty grungy tights (we used to have races with the runs in our tights. We would pick at them and see how long we could get them to go in one pull). But I was beaming. I didn't realize I was beaming until one of the girls in my class pointed out 'Lauren's got her stage face on'. I couldn't NOT smile, even there at the dance studio, no audience, no stage, no lights, tights that were more run than tights, yet being in costume, I couldn't help it. I loved the way I felt. I wish I could wear my tutu every day. It was lightly boned, so not only did it have a nice corset effect on my tummy, but it gave me incredible posture. And while pointe shoes are definitely not the comfort footwear of choice for most, I miss those too. It makes me sad that my feet are all pretty now instead of callus-y and blister-y from my shoes.
I think I might dance around my living room when I get home...with the blinds closed, of course

How I will spend my Spring Break

How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying:
Previews: February 26; Opens: March 27
Al Hirschfeld Theatre
Directed and Choreographed by Rob Asford (Tony nominated for Promises, Promises)
Starring Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter, Equus) as J. Pierpont Finch
Anything Goes:
Previews: March 10; Opens: April 7
Stephen Sondheim Theatre
Cole Porter. The End.
Starring Sutton Foster (Les Mis, Thoroughly Modern Millie, Drowsy Chaperon, Young Frankenstein, Shrek, all together awesome)as Reno Sweeny
Catch Me If You Can:
Previews: March 7; Opens: April 10
Nederlander Theatre
Music and Lyrics by Scott Wittman & Marc Shaiman (The team that made Hairspray happen)
Starring: Norbert Leo Butz (Wicked) as Carl Hanratty and the man-god Aaron Tveit (Hairspray, Wicked, Next to Normal) as Frank Abagnale Jr.

I'm not going alone, so who's with me?

I'm tired

...but not sleepy.
This has been a re-occuring problem for some time now. Part of it is work stress, I'm sure. I can't seem to stop thinking at night. I lie in my bed, listen to my fan and think. I think about things that I can't control, especially not at 1 o'clock in the morning. If I could take my brain out at night, that might help. Other than that, I don't know how to fix this problem. Two nights ago, I was in this same position. In my comfortable bed in my comfortable pajamas with my white noise at a very comfortable level and my comfortably dark, cool room. The conditions couldn't have been more conducive to a good night's sleep. But I couldn't get sleepy. So I decided to get up (at 2 am) make myself a cup of chamomile tea and watch Glee on DVD...I fell asleep on the couch. Maybe I should try sleeping on the couch every night, I mean, any sleep is better than none at all, even if couch sleep is pretty poor quality.
It's almost as if I'm becoming nocturnal, I get so sleepy during the days that I am tempted to take a nap on the sofa in my office, and some days I take a nap when I get home from work. Which just makes sleeping at night just that much harder. Which, in turn, makes getting up in the morning that much harder, which makes me so sleepy during the day that I need to take a nap when I get home...and the vicious cycle continues. I don't know what to do. I can't even talk to my mom about it, because she worries enough about me as it is. I don't need her to lose sleep over my loss of sleep. Her not sleeping isn't going to make it any easier for me, and I don't want to give her any more reasons to stress out about me, since I'm the more gray-hair inducing of my parents' children, they don't need to add my insomnia to the long list of reasons why I can't take care of myself.

I'm just so tired of being tired. I just want to sleep.
I've tried tea and tylenol PMs and if Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep and doesn't know where to find them, it's because I've counted them all, and Mary's Little Lamb, and every other sheep for that matter. So much fleece...

I Wish I Could Go Back to College...

This is the title of a song from the musical Avenue-Q. A show I haven't seen yet, and could probably give or take, to be honest. Most of the songs I've heard from this show are pretty raunchy (even if they are mildly entertaining). But some of them are pretty applicable (I've thought about adopting 'There's a Fine, Fine Line' as my personal theme song several times), and about a year ago, the song 'What Do You Do With A B.A. In English' seemed to echo my thoughts exactly. In fact substitute 'English' for 'Religious Studies' and that song described my plight to a 'T'. Now, I've moved on. I have discovered exactly what to do with a B.A. in Religious Studies. I became a youth director. And a grown-up. Which means I have more responsibilities than I have ever wanted in my life. I hate being an adult. I love being a youth director though. Especially on the third Thursday of the month...Network Lunch day. Today's lunch, however, was held at CLU. It was so strange to be back. On my drive over, all I could think about was the pressure of Rally Day this Sunday and the thoughts that kept going through my head were I wish I could go back to college, life was so simple back then and I wanna go back to my room and find a message in dry-erase pen on the door
Then I got there, I drove through campus on my way to the chapel and then end of the song came to me But if I were to go back to college, think what a loser I'd be-I'd walk through the quad, and think "Oh my God...these kids are so much younger than me."
Really...I'm three years old than the seniors, which means I am six years older than the average college freshman. Being back on that campus made me feel so OLD. The campus hardly looks the same, there are so many new buildings, and yet somehow it seems so much smaller.
I see all these students in their tank tops and flip flops and cut offs, and I drive in in my grown-up car in my khaki pants and my knit top and my flats. I looked like an adult, and I looked older than these...these...kids. I didn't feel older than them though, or I didn't want to. I am definitely hitting my quarter life crisis. This is the worst feeling ever. I am rebelling against adulthood as best I can, and it's not an effective rebellion...

'Oh hey, Mom'

My mom called me yesterday evening, and we had the following conversation:
"Hey Mom"
"Hey Lauren, I jut wanted to call and make sure you're doing okay" (look up 'worrier' in the dictionary, there's a picture of my mother there)
"I'm fine"
"So what are you up to?"
"Just reupholstering some chairs"
We talked about other stuff too, none of which is relevant to what I'm writing about today, and is a tad too personal to display on the interwebs.
I feel like I should start blogging about the random stuff my neighbors leave by the dumpsters. Fisher Price play-kitchens, books, mattresses, a blender, folding chairs that are missing the seat part, shoes...you name it, my neighbors are trying to get rid of it. But nothing actually goes IN the dumpster. Just BY it. I feel like this is a passive way of getting rid of things (granted, the kitchen and the mattress wouldn't exactly fit). I have no way of knowing whether these events were perpetrated by a repeat offender, or if each of my neighbors are throwing things out in turn (if it's the latter, am I expected to leave a random piece of junk by the dumpster too?)
What boggles me is that a lot of these things, while not in prime condition, could be cleaned up a bit and donated to Goodwill. For instance there is a couch and a love seat out there now that, with a little TLC, could make a poor college student's living room very happy.
I found a couple of chairs out there the other day. They were ugly and dirty, but weren't missing any pieces or anything. So yeah, I grabbed 'em. They weren't IN the dumpster, so I wasn't digging through garbage.
I took them home, scrubbed the heck out of them, removed the seats, applied a couple coats of Kraylon high gloss black spray paint. I bought some leopard print outdoor canvas at the fabric store and a couple of foam pads, and I've watched enough HDTV to figure out the re-covering process...and I think my chairs are pretty classy.

I guess it's true what they say...one person's trash is another person's treasure. (Or at least another person's patio furniture)

Career change...

...don't get me wrong, I really like my job, but I think I need a job that comes with a fat paycheck and a TON of time off.
A job that would allow me to spend my days at Disneyland and my nights at Broadway shows.
Or maybe, I can work during week days, go to Broadway shows in the evenings and Disneyland on the weekends.
Okay, I don't need to go to Disneyland EVERY weekend, or even a Broadway show EVERY night, but it'd be nice to have the option. Besides the fact that I lack both the money and the time to make that lifestyle possible, the geography of the United States and my inability to apperate negates the time/money argument entirely.

There are a ton of things that don't thrill me about living in Southern California, and of course proximity to Disneyland isn't one of them. In fact, I visited the Happiest Place on Earth just this weekend, and as an annual passholder, I appreciate that it only takes about an hour and 15 minutes to get there. One of my biggest beefs with my SoCal location though, is lack of proximity to the Great White Way and the theatrical options New York provides. Not just Broadway, but off-Broadway, and off-off-Broadway. Theatres upon theatres upon theatres filled with acting and singing and dancing. L.A. does the movie thing, I get that. There are a couple theatres in Hollywood that get Broadway tours (like the Ahmanson where I'm going to see Next to Normal in December-ish). But only mega-shows get the tours, and the tours don't necessarily get the new shows, or the revivals, or the names, (although Alice Ripley will be Diana in N2N, and I saw Eden Espinossa and Megan Hilty in Wicked in LA and Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp in Rent in SF) Also never appearing LA? The shows you only want to see because the actor made famous for playing the wizard formally known as 'the boy who lived' will be starring in a musical.
So, I'm trying to figure out a plan of attack for the revival of Anything Goes with Sutton Foster as Reno, How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying with Daniel Radcliffe as J. Pierpont Finch (if I do see this expect a full report on Harry Potter vs Ferris Bueller), and the show that has me constantly watching clips on YouTube: Catch Me If You Can with Norbert Leo Butz as Carl Hanratty and...wait for it...wait for it...
AARON TVEIT as Leonardo DiCaprio Frank Abagnale Jr.
Now for a bombardment of video clips so you can be excited as I am about this:

And if Aaron's voice isn't the most perfect most beautiful most sexiest thing you've ever heard in your life...you're lacking a pulse.

Rabbit Transit

Puns and crosswords: these are a few of my favorite things!!
I do an online crossword puzzle every day via Dictionary.com. I prefer the pen-and-paper method of solving crosswords (Yeah, pen. I'm really self assured about crosswords), but I don't actually get a newspaper, and the internet version is free. Today's theme was animal puns. My favorite of all puns. I had to think about an AWOL cat (missing lynx), a river creature's babbling (otter nonsense), and the least amount to Yogi (bear minimum). In addition to the animal puns, there was also the 1-across clue: "a slacker's shoe" (a loafer...duh!)
Anywhoodle...that's it.

Ever since I gave up the mug thing, it's like I have nothing to say anymore...

Ever since I got my new computer...

...something has been really bothering me. It has nothing to do with the PC to Mac switch. In fact I am so totally sold on this Mac that I've had for, what? Like, two and half weeks? Yeah, my work computer is totally annoying me. I am sooo over PCs...ha! I'm never going back, I am so in love with my Mac; it's easy to use, my desktop stays nice and organized, everything I need rests conveniently in my doc. I've even got the Mac version of a 'right click' down pat! I am such a pro. Plus having a Mac makes me look and feel super cool, because...let's face it...Macs give their users an air of 'yeah-I'm-cool-but-I-don't-care-because-I-use-a-Mac'
And now to the bee in my proverbial bonnet...the play count in my iTunes. Songs that had a play count in the 40s have been played, like, once. On top of that, I have 2000 songs (that's four and a half days worth) that haven't even been listened to yet. I don't know why this is bugging me so much. Maybe it's the inaccuracy of it? Or the fact that I tend to get my panties in a twist over the silliest little things? I don't know. But it bugs. Hard core!

The answer is NO!

NO, Aunt Liz...I DON'T have a boyfriend yet and no I WON'T buy 'a push-up bra and a v-neck sweater'
NO, Gramma...I HAVEN'T met anyone and I'm NOT going to go flirt with random guys at the baseball game. (Also, they were Dodger fans anyway...and I'm pretty sure rooting for the Giants is part of my DNA)
Sorry, women of my family, that being single is something you feel like you need to cure me from. Trust me, it's not something I'm proud of. I wish I could be one of those girls who is a 'proud, single woman', but that's not me. I'm not saying that I feel like a need a man in my life, just that it hasn't been a picnic watching from the background while all my friends start to pair off and get married. It's seriously like Noah's freaking Ark...
I'm not proud that I was all but set up with a groomsman at a good friend's wedding a few months ago, only to watch said groomsman hit on one of the waitresses all night instead. (We were seated next to each other and the only single people at our table...it was painfully obvious what was going on, though he seemed painfully oblivious)
I'm not proud that I am apparently invisible to members of the opposite sex.
I'm not proud that I am usually in my jammies by 9pm on the weekends because I have nowhere to go and nothing to do.
I'm not proud that I have to go to movies alone because my friends have already seen them with their boyfriends/fiances/husbands.
I'm not happy that I am missing out on opportunities to hang out with my friends because I'll be the third, fifth or sometimes even seventh wheel.
These are actually some of the things that I lose sleep over.
Sometimes I think...'but, hey, I'm only 24...I've got time'. Then there are the times that I am reminded of how many married friends I already have. And that my mom was 24 when she got married. And then I think 'crap, I'm already 24 and I haven't been on a date for nearly 5 years' And then I think about how the only boyfriend I have ever had-the only guy who has ever given me a second look-has already been married for over a year.

Now I'm thinking that I'm probably too young to be labeled a spinster, but it's not entirely inappropriate...

Fall-ing in love

and not just with imaginary boyfriend Aaron Tveit, as last night's insomnia induced swoon-fest might imply.
No, I am falling in love with Fall. Or Autumn, whichever. (Although, Autumn-ing in love isn't a pun.)
It is only the first day of September, and it's technically summer for the next 20 days. But this weather implies other wise. See, I have a special talent. It's not necessarily unique. It wouldn't place in a talent show. When I say it it's going to make me sound like some kind of 'let me cleanse your aura-esque' freak. But I can feel the seasons. I can smell them too. It's like weather ESP, I guess. And it feels like fall outside. It has for the past week here in Simi. I don't know how I came into this gift, but I think it's kinda hereditary, cause my mom says she feels seasons too. This isn't a physical feeling of 85 degree weather on my skin. I can feel a difference between a 75 degree day in Spring, and a 75 degree day in Autumn. I can't describe the feeling, but it's there. I am so glad.
Autumn is BY FAR my favorite season of the four. I feel it is also the most elusive, though. I grew up in a part of California where there were two seasons: Hot and Foggy. Maybe a day or two in between of nice weather, but despite the temperature outside the feeling of the season was still there. The feeling of summer winding down, and the excitement of winter. I don't know. It's tingly. In a good way.

I am such a freak. I know.

"Along the Way"

Yes, it is a quarter to 1. In the A M. No, I don't have tomorrow off from work. What I DO have however, (besides insomnia) is a new imaginary boyfriend.
Dear reader(s), I would like to introduce you to Aaron Tveit!!

Seriously...I can't stop watching this.
He is way too adorable. And I realize I am gushing like a 12 year old girl at a Justin Bieber concert.
It started about a year ago as a 'voice-crush'. I get these quite often, because I listen to a lot of Broadway Cast albums. I was voice-crushing hardcore listening to the Next to Normal soundtrack without ever having seen his face. That's the beauty of the voice-crush. Faces are unnecessary.
But wait...there's more!
I was watching an episode of Ugly Betty and there was this totally adorable (in a nerdy, hipster way) playwright character. I was in face-crush mode with out knowing the name of said hipster playwright. Roll credits. Seriously. That voice belongs to that face.
Voice-crush + face-crush = yes, I am that shallow.
Then I came across this video today. I am past face-crush mode. I am past voice-crush mode. Enter imaginary boyfriend mode.
And as it turns out, Aaron has a pretty impressive theatrical resume. In addition to originating the role of Gabe in Next to Normal, he as also been a dreamy Link Larkin, a super yummy Fiyero, previewed the role of Frank Abagnale Jr.* (charmingly, of course), and recently rocked out as Roger in the Hollywood Bowl adaptation of Rent. (Alliteration alert on that last one.)
That being said, can you really blame me? How many straight 27-year-olds are there on Broadway? Especially with voices and faces like that?
(I know my sister will totally criticize me for this. She's always on my case about my delusional celebrity boy-crushes. But real boys kinda suck)

*Catch Me If You Can, The Musical workshopped/previewed in Seattle summer 2009. It is currently being nipped, tucked and tweaked for a planned Broadway opening for Spring 2011. Aaron has already signed on to reprise his role. I am already looking at plane tickets to get me there.