Who's That Girl?

Five episodes in, and I am hooked on the new Fox series New Girl. At times, I think this show is partially based on my life. Essentially, it is about a girl who is quirky and weird, and likes being quirky and weird, and through her quirkiness and weirdness ends up being pretty adorable (or in the show's word: 'a-dork-able'). I can totally relate to the main character, Jess, because being adorable is my thing! People are always saying things to me like, "Oh, you're a preschool teacher, that's adorable." "You have a crush on a guy, you're too cute." And yeah, working with 3 and 4 year olds is super cute. Especially when instead of napping (like they're supposed to), they kick you, hit you, laugh at you and make you so frustrated that you cry*. And I'm not sure why but somehow my having a crush on a guy who probably will never feel the same way seems 'cute' to my married friends. Yes, sometimes I think my life is just too cute for me to handle. Doing all the quirky and weird and 'adorable' things I do every day is exhausting. It's actually pretty hard work being this adorable all the time....but I guess someone's gotta do it.

(What can I say?)

*To be fair, that was an isolated incident...I really do love my job

Moving out and moving on...

I have neglected this blog as of late because something slightly devastating has happened and I needed to talk about with with family and friends before slapping it up on the internet.

It goes like this: I lost my job. This isn't the appropriate setting to give details, but I can say that it sucks.

A lot.

Loss of job (and the loss of income that comes with it) has forced me to move out of my apartment in the SoCal suburbs and back in with my parents in the Central Valley. As grueling as packing and unpacking was and is, the mental preparation for this move took more out of me than the physical. At 25, the idea of living with my parents (even though I've already been here for two weeks) still makes me mad and sad. I feel like I've lost my freedom (cue over-dramtic music).

While being back in my hometown hasn't been all bad (I enjoyed an impromptu picnic with a couple of old friends last weekend and a 'murder mystery dinner party' with some new friends this past weekend) it's just still very hard to wrap my mind around the fact that I don't have a job or money...and very little dignity. I just updated my resume, and I'm looking into taking some classes to increase my array of 'marketable skillz'. I've filled out half a dozen online job-applications (as well as the Myers-Briggs-esque questionnaires that accompany each one)...

I'm still not 100% what I want to 'be'. I can't see myself in a career that doesn't involve working with kids, as taxing as they are...I just love 'em

All in a day-off's work...

I love when my phone rings on a Saturday. I especially love when the voice on the other end greets me with, "sorry to bother you on your day off, but..."
This just happened. In fact, I had a parent call me to ask what time the middle school Christmas party was going to be. The same Christmas party that I sent a postcard, an email, a flier home from confirmation, a notice in the bulletin, AND have announced in church for the past two weeks.
This is another prime case of 'I love my job, I do, but...'
I mean, it's not like I actually have a life, since none of my friends live close-by, but I'm really trying NOT to make my job my whole life. Sometimes I need days off, everyone needs days off. It's how I recharge. If I work 24/7 or even 8/7 I would get so burned out that I would become less effective at my job. My weekends are MY time. Not that I do anything with my time...but, if I don't have separation now, then my workaholic ways will become a habit. Someday I could have a husband, and a family and at that point I will need my days off to spend with them. Now I'm enjoying having days to veg out, or bake 6 dozen gingerbread cookies with out having to think about my job.

On my own

Sometimes I wish I had someone to me take care of me. Some days I just don't want to come home to any empty apartment.
Tonight the adult fellowship committee was caroling, and I was asked to bring Spark (our elementary ministry) along. One of the moms suggested a Christmas craft, so I told her I'd pick up the beads and pipe cleaners and she'd bring her little darling (who, a couple weeks ago, decided that it would be a good idea to draw people drowning when we drew pictures of Noah's Ark). We started at 4, did our little ornament craft, sang to some shut-in members of our congregation and came back. The grown-ups enjoyed a baked potato bar and I decorated cookies with the kiddies. It wasn't until afterwords, the woman who helps me with the children's ministry told me that this woman had told her that she was upset that we did the craft she had suggested before caroling up in the youth room instead of after caroling down in the social hall.
I think what bothers me the most is that this woman didn't tell me how she felt, but rather sent a messenger in her stead. We're not in high school anymore...you can tell me yourself if you think pipe cleaner ornaments are cooler than decorating gingerbread cookies (or, in the case of this woman's son...gingerbread headless zombies with blood spurting out their necks).
I think what bothered her the most was that the craft she suggested was done as a 'Spark' activity and not part of the AFC thing. I'm sorry, I don't want to seem rude, but I am not a babysitter...if you want to do something as part of YOUR activity then YOU can plan it. I'm not there to keep the kids at your event occupied while the grown-ups do their thang! I am not part of AFC, I am in charge of youth and youth activities. If you want to have a child activity as a component of YOUR event, I will come, I will participate, but if you give it to me to plan and it doesn't happen where when and how you want it to, don't get offended. I am not the youth chair on YOUR committee...while I am open to suggestions, I am just doing my job as the youth director of our CHURCH. Not your personal children's activities co-ordinator.
Sorry about that rant, I just don't have anyone to come home to so, even though I'd like to, I can't unload this on an actual human being.
I'll probably delete this post tomorrow because I'm sure once I'm not so upset anymore I'll feel guilty about posting this (even though nobody really reads this and I didn't use names)

"what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Well first of all...I don't want to grow up. So that's simple. I specifically chose a career which would be severely hindered by my 'growing up'. In order to work with youth, I need to remain young...
When I was in college and I finally declared a major (religious studies) I spent a great deal of time thinking about what I could do with that major. Spending summers helping out at my home church, and later, working at camps...I really found a passion for working with kids and teenagers. I enjoy spending time with them and teaching them about the Bible and 'that Jesus guy'. I really like my job.
Except...
There is one question that every youth director in the history of youth directors gets asked, and last night it was my turn. In fact, when rating yourself on the Jon Acuff scale of youth-tastic-ness* being asked this question is worth 10 points of youth-tastic-isity. The question is:
"Are you ever going to become a real pastor?"
Because I work in the fantasy world of Never-neverland...well, I guess I kind of do since I refuse to grow up anyway. But my job is very real, and very important.
About a year ago I was at a youth worker's extravaganza and I sat down and had a beer with one of my former youth directors who is currently a "real pastor" in Wisconsin, or Minnesota or one of those Lutheran-y states in the middle of the country. He told me that he used to get asked this question alot. His response was "I'm already a real pastor". He hadn't yet been through seminary. He wasn't allowed to consecrate the elements, and with his blue goatee, I doubt our pastor ever let him actually get up in front of the congregation and preach...but doing ministry, even if it is with youth, is a real job. Providing pastoral care for teenagers is a real thing. No, I haven't been through seminary, and right now I am not feeling any call towards ordination...but my job is very real, and really important.
Right now I am very happy in youth ministry, and while I have thought about getting my masters in Youth and Family Ministry...I have no future plans to become a "real pastor"...it's not my choice anyway

*oh...and beeteedubs-I got a 78!

You know you've made it when...

...your pastor-boss asks you to 'teenager sit' for his daughter while he and his wife are out of town.

I was driving around town today, and I realized that it's been over a year since my interview. Two weeks will mark the 1-year anniversary of finding out I've been hired, and on December 7th I will celebrate my year-iversary at Shepherd of the Valley Lutheran.
I can't believe it's already been a year. On the other hand, I can't believe it's only been a year.
I don't know when it happened or how it happened, but eventually my title changed. When I started I was 'the new youth director' now I'm just 'the youth director'...I don't know where the 'new' went, but I'm not sad it's gone.
I've had several jobs in my life...camp counselor, youth, sales associate, preschool aide, office grunt...but never in my life have I had a career! Like...for realsies!!

Whoa...

What's my age again?

That's right...I'm 24. Only 24. So why am I sitting here with a heat pack on my neck and an ice pack on my head?
Maybe my body is punishing me for actually acting my age for once. Last night I went to go visit one of my good friends from college who recently moved to Costa Mesa with her husband. I'm bummed she moved away, but I'm glad it's only about an hour and a half drive instead of, y'know, like across country or San Diego (or Santiago if you're Tim after a few drinks, which would be really far away.)
Anyway, some friends and I mini-roadtripped down there yesterday afternoon, and it was so nice to be around other people my own age, which doesn't happen nearly often enough. It seems when I'm not with my students I'm just with myself. And myself doesn't necessarily act my age. I kinda twice my age and half my age at the same time. I watch TV and eat dinner on the sofa and I'm usually in bed by 10. Last night I didn't make it home until after 11...PM...gasp!
But it was so much fun. It's been so long since I've played Apples to Apples without having to say 'inappropriate!' every other turn...combinations that are banned from the youth room end up as the winning pair!
But maybe the night was too much for me. Sitting around laughing with my friends apparently took it's toll. I woke up at 2ish last night and every muscle on the right side of my body was on fire. I tried an ice pack, it worked until I took it off. I tried taking a hot bath, but when you're 5'8" and your tub is 1 foot deep, 18 inches wide and 4 feet long, it's not very relaxing. I don't know how I ended up asleep last night.
Although, given the choice between a boring weekend and a weekend spent with friends whatever the side effects, my friends will win every time. I just need more practice acting my age...

Career change...

...don't get me wrong, I really like my job, but I think I need a job that comes with a fat paycheck and a TON of time off.
A job that would allow me to spend my days at Disneyland and my nights at Broadway shows.
Or maybe, I can work during week days, go to Broadway shows in the evenings and Disneyland on the weekends.
Okay, I don't need to go to Disneyland EVERY weekend, or even a Broadway show EVERY night, but it'd be nice to have the option. Besides the fact that I lack both the money and the time to make that lifestyle possible, the geography of the United States and my inability to apperate negates the time/money argument entirely.

There are a ton of things that don't thrill me about living in Southern California, and of course proximity to Disneyland isn't one of them. In fact, I visited the Happiest Place on Earth just this weekend, and as an annual passholder, I appreciate that it only takes about an hour and 15 minutes to get there. One of my biggest beefs with my SoCal location though, is lack of proximity to the Great White Way and the theatrical options New York provides. Not just Broadway, but off-Broadway, and off-off-Broadway. Theatres upon theatres upon theatres filled with acting and singing and dancing. L.A. does the movie thing, I get that. There are a couple theatres in Hollywood that get Broadway tours (like the Ahmanson where I'm going to see Next to Normal in December-ish). But only mega-shows get the tours, and the tours don't necessarily get the new shows, or the revivals, or the names, (although Alice Ripley will be Diana in N2N, and I saw Eden Espinossa and Megan Hilty in Wicked in LA and Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp in Rent in SF) Also never appearing LA? The shows you only want to see because the actor made famous for playing the wizard formally known as 'the boy who lived' will be starring in a musical.
So, I'm trying to figure out a plan of attack for the revival of Anything Goes with Sutton Foster as Reno, How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying with Daniel Radcliffe as J. Pierpont Finch (if I do see this expect a full report on Harry Potter vs Ferris Bueller), and the show that has me constantly watching clips on YouTube: Catch Me If You Can with Norbert Leo Butz as Carl Hanratty and...wait for it...wait for it...
AARON TVEIT as Leonardo DiCaprio Frank Abagnale Jr.
Now for a bombardment of video clips so you can be excited as I am about this:

And if Aaron's voice isn't the most perfect most beautiful most sexiest thing you've ever heard in your life...you're lacking a pulse.

Bankin' on it!

Friday= day off!! But, it seems I'm busier on my days off than I am on my days 'on'...when I'm at work I sit on my computer, make phone calls and plan cool trips and Bible studies. Let me tell ya, that doesn't usually take eight hours a day four days a week. But I still need to be in my office. So my days off keep me running errands all day long. Today for instance:
drop off apartment application
cleancleanclean (I'm having company in the form of my good friend Tabby)
grocery shop
post office
bank
and I just keep runnin' runnin', and runnin' runnin'...
I very rarely go IN to the bank, though. Most of my bank-related errands can be completed at the ATM (usually the drive through one, so I don't actually need to get out of my car.) But, today I needed to go into the bank, and I'm glad I did. Why? Three words: Cute. Bank. Teller.
His name was Ryan, and he had pretty eyes, and a great smile (two of my weaknesses) and he was tall. But...it's not like I can be all "I'd like to get out $40 cash, pay my student loan and see if you'd like to get coffee sometime." I guess when he asked if there was anything else he could help me with today, I could've said "yeah, I lost my phone number, can I have yours?" Yeah, right!
Although, I think I'm going to start going into the bank alot more often!