I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it

By nature, I'm not a big risk-taker. When it comes to making decisions that will impact my future, I will hem and haw and go back and forth. I don't gamble, mostly because change will somehow be involved. If there is something I want...I can either sit around and wait for it to happen to me (low-risk) or I can go after it (high-risk). If I sit around and wait, chances are I will never get to experience whatever it is that I'm waiting for...however, if I pursue it, things could go one of two ways:

a) I get what I'm hoping for! Things change for the better and I'm happy! (Unlikely)

b) I put myself out there for nothing. Things change for the worse, (and potentially get awkward) and I could end up worse off then I was before.

I have been known to tell my students after nap: "if you take too long to put your shoes on, you will miss out on story-time" and I feel like I need to start taking my own advice. If I take too long, if I don't take initiative, I will miss out on so much.

I wish I could just let go and let the dice decide...

Seriously. These are the things that keep me up at night.

I'm tired

...but not sleepy.
This has been a re-occuring problem for some time now. Part of it is work stress, I'm sure. I can't seem to stop thinking at night. I lie in my bed, listen to my fan and think. I think about things that I can't control, especially not at 1 o'clock in the morning. If I could take my brain out at night, that might help. Other than that, I don't know how to fix this problem. Two nights ago, I was in this same position. In my comfortable bed in my comfortable pajamas with my white noise at a very comfortable level and my comfortably dark, cool room. The conditions couldn't have been more conducive to a good night's sleep. But I couldn't get sleepy. So I decided to get up (at 2 am) make myself a cup of chamomile tea and watch Glee on DVD...I fell asleep on the couch. Maybe I should try sleeping on the couch every night, I mean, any sleep is better than none at all, even if couch sleep is pretty poor quality.
It's almost as if I'm becoming nocturnal, I get so sleepy during the days that I am tempted to take a nap on the sofa in my office, and some days I take a nap when I get home from work. Which just makes sleeping at night just that much harder. Which, in turn, makes getting up in the morning that much harder, which makes me so sleepy during the day that I need to take a nap when I get home...and the vicious cycle continues. I don't know what to do. I can't even talk to my mom about it, because she worries enough about me as it is. I don't need her to lose sleep over my loss of sleep. Her not sleeping isn't going to make it any easier for me, and I don't want to give her any more reasons to stress out about me, since I'm the more gray-hair inducing of my parents' children, they don't need to add my insomnia to the long list of reasons why I can't take care of myself.

I'm just so tired of being tired. I just want to sleep.
I've tried tea and tylenol PMs and if Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep and doesn't know where to find them, it's because I've counted them all, and Mary's Little Lamb, and every other sheep for that matter. So much fleece...

Fall-ing in love

and not just with imaginary boyfriend Aaron Tveit, as last night's insomnia induced swoon-fest might imply.
No, I am falling in love with Fall. Or Autumn, whichever. (Although, Autumn-ing in love isn't a pun.)
It is only the first day of September, and it's technically summer for the next 20 days. But this weather implies other wise. See, I have a special talent. It's not necessarily unique. It wouldn't place in a talent show. When I say it it's going to make me sound like some kind of 'let me cleanse your aura-esque' freak. But I can feel the seasons. I can smell them too. It's like weather ESP, I guess. And it feels like fall outside. It has for the past week here in Simi. I don't know how I came into this gift, but I think it's kinda hereditary, cause my mom says she feels seasons too. This isn't a physical feeling of 85 degree weather on my skin. I can feel a difference between a 75 degree day in Spring, and a 75 degree day in Autumn. I can't describe the feeling, but it's there. I am so glad.
Autumn is BY FAR my favorite season of the four. I feel it is also the most elusive, though. I grew up in a part of California where there were two seasons: Hot and Foggy. Maybe a day or two in between of nice weather, but despite the temperature outside the feeling of the season was still there. The feeling of summer winding down, and the excitement of winter. I don't know. It's tingly. In a good way.

I am such a freak. I know.