One step forward, two steps back...and a few to the side.

You know when you walk into a room, and you can't remember why? So you retrace your steps and hope that something along your journey back in time will jog your memory.

Walking into a room with an intended purpose is forward motion, but once you've entered that room your purpose is unable to be fulfilled, and you're forced to move backwards yet again. That is how I feel right now.

This whole year teaching third grade has been like walking into a room and completely forgetting what I actually needed. But instead of retracting my steps, I just kept searching fruitlessly with no memory what I was actually looking for. I had no purpose for teaching third grade. Then life forced me to retrace my steps...

I will be walking into a new room in the Fall, and I pray that I know exactly why from the second I walk in.

I feel put through the ringer. I have been made to feel unsupported, unwanted, ignored and insignificant. Those are not feelings that come from forward motion, those are HUGE steps backwards.

I have also taken some sideways steps. Not off-the-path steps, just lateral motion. The type of lateral motion that makes a first-year intern think it's okay to audition for a musical. And that it's okay to accept the offer to be a part of a very small and extremely versatile ensemble featured in nearly every number. And that it's okay to take on the added responsibility of dance captain. And that it's okay to offer to help hunt for costumes and sew some too. Even though she is still working on TPAs and needs to pass the RICA. So a little bit off-the-path. (But our show is going to be awesome!!)

Dream on

I had a dream last night that I think would make a really cute Lifetime Original Movie (at least I would watch it). I dreamt that I was visiting my sister, but she lived in, like, Manhattan or something. Anyway, her apartment had a living room with a huge bay window and a window seat, and I would sit and read, or watch a movie, or sing and dance around and just generally be myself. My sister wasn't home, she was probably at work. (Who invites someone to visit if they're just going to be at work the whole time? Rude. But not the point). In her neighborhood there was this guy, who would walk past her apartment every day on his way to work, and on his way home. After a few days, he started leaving little messages (like...'hey', 'how are you?', 'I saw you singing and dancing like a crazy person the other day and it made me laugh', etc.), and we would communicate through these little notes. My sister didn't approve of me talking to a stranger, but then again, she was never home. On the day I was supposed to leave, he left a note actually asking me out for coffee, but I couldn't go because I had to get to the airport. And that's the end...

What does it mean?

This is actually one of my more normal dreams. I would love to go to a dream analyst sometime and find out what my dreams mean. They are usually pretty complex and bizarre...

Going to the chapel!

Yesterday one of my oldest friends got married...she's not old as a person (she's only 25), just old as a friend. Emily and I met at church and have been friends since about first or second grade. We went all the way through Sunday school, confirmation, high school and youth group together. And I was honored to be invited to take part in this special day with her! The ceremony was beautiful, the bride was gorgeous, the groom was beaming from ear to ear and the reception was fantastic!

The reception was held at the Visalia Country Club, which I had never been to before. It's a pretty swanky establishment so it's a good thing I had my classy hair-do...or they probably wouldn't have let me in. It was great to see some friends from high school again, as well as some of their parents. It was kind of weird, though...trying to figure out how and when we all became grown-ups. I mean, ten years ago I never would have imagined sipping champagne with people whose fridges I'd raided at so many sleep-overs. I mean, sharing a dance floor with moms and dads that were like second parents through high school...weird, right?

But it was a really fun reception, the food was terrific and band was rockin'. I even got to dance with the cutest guy!! Granted, he was probably about 7, but he definitely had 'those moves like Jagger'! I love dancing at weddings! I didn't even take my shoes off...I lasted all night in my 3" heels...you should be impressed!!

Congrats to Emily and Drew...I know you two will live happily ever after!

G-L-A-M-O-R-OUS

I absolutely suck at doing hair...and my regular routine of blow-drying my hair and sticking it up in a pony tail or a clip just wasn't going to cut it for my friend's wedding (which will be blah-ged about tomorrow once I re-coup from a night of dancing in 3" stilettos!)

So I called a professional and got my hair did! I felt like a princess (or a movie star or something equally fabulous) getting a fancy-schmancy hair-do by this Australian guy that my usual stylist recommended (she was booked). I brought in a couple pictures, and he brought out an industrial strength curling iron and about five different products that made my hair not feel like hair anymore, but made it shiny and helped it to actually do something for a change.

It just felt good to be pampered, and get special treatment, and get out of doing chores because I would ruin my beautiful up-do!

I just love that it's all twirly and complicated looking!! I also like how, even though it's all up, it looks longer than it actually is. Auro (that was the guy's name) said it was a challenge working with so little hair, but I think he did a fantastic job! Then he gave me a hug, and sent me on my way to the ball! (I'm assuming all foreign-born hairdressers ask their clients for hugs...I watch What Not To Wear, so I know things!)

I think what impressed me the most was that this 'do was accomplished using only 7 bobby pins and two hair pins (yeah, probably a pint of hairspray, but still) It even managed to hold up for most of the evening as well!!

Do you even see how glamorous I am?

My green dress...

I think everyone has an article of clothing that makes them feel really special.

Maybe you have a pair of pants that make your butt look really good; or a jacket that fits you so well it's like the designer had you in mind. I have my green dress!

I bought it last year around Easter-time because, well...I needed an Easter dress.

I don't wear dresses often. Skirts to church on Sundays, perhaps, but I've never been big dress-wearer.

But this dress was MADE for me. It fits me perfectly, and I feel so pretty when I wear it. I wish I had more opportunities to wear it. I did get some use out of it, as it accompanied me to two weddings over the summer.

The dress at wedding #1; waiting to catch the bouquet

The dress in action (getting my groove on with the bride) at wedding #2

Sin(gle) City

I just got back from a bachelorette party in Vegas! Yeah, I know.
It wasn't really my style, but I wasn't the bride (obvi). One of my roommates from college is marrying another friend from college in just under a week, and so we celebrated her almost-not-single-anymore-hood. It was fun, we road-tripped over and stayed at the Flamingo. Hung out by the pool (lifeguards!!) then got gussied up and headed out for the night. We had a nice dinner, saw some hot Aussies and then got wrist-banded to get in to a club for free (I enjoy being a girl?) Dancing, dancing, dancing...then bride-friend introduces me to some guy who was talking to her. He was good-looking and we talked for a minute or two, but it didn't really get anywhere.
Now, I was excited about this trip, I brought a new green dress and wore my sexy black-patent heels. I felt pretty, and even though I new nothing could or would or should happen (because I'm not that girl) but, I thought that maybe I could even get hit on. And now there is this guy who is very not un-attractive. (Not my type, but not un-attractive)...and I lost it a little bit. There was no visible problem in this situation...but there was a problem. One that I didn't know existed until that moment...
He wasn't Jon.
How much longer is this going to go on? I can't keep letting my hang-up on that boy get in my way, but I don't know how to quit him.
salkjdhfalfdadf...I'm just so frustrated (mostly with myself)