Angels We Still Hear on High

So I'm sitting in my office...listening to Christmas music and trying to pretend it's not 79 degrees outside, and the Relient K version of Angels We Have Heard on High comes on...well done, Pandora.
I was immediately reminded me of one Christmas past when I was going somewhere with my dad and for some reason he let me drive. I had 'Deck the Halls; Bruise your Hand'-RK's first Christmas album-in my CD player and this song came on. My father (a man who deems any music released post 70's is garbage and not worth lining your pet's cage with) had a knee-jerk reaction to the kinda punked out version of this Christmas classic. His exact words were "I bet the guy who wrote this song is rolling over in his grave right now." I think then my response was "whatever Dad, you just don't get it"...but now that I'm thinking about it a bit more, I should have said something like "Why? Because the song he composed is still being played? Because it's been re-vamped to reach a different kind of audience?" But my dad probably wouldn't have appreciated the sassy manner with which the following comment would have likely been delievered.
But seriously, I think he (who I just found out is named Edward Shippen Barnes thanks to Google) would be glad that the song he wrote about Jesus' birthday found a way to stay relevant. You really don't see many musical groups trying to rock out 'Twas in the Moon of Wintertime' or 'O Savior, Rend the Heavens Wide' or some other Christmas song that I would have never heard of if I hadn't opened the LBW I keep in my office to the Christmas hymn section...
that's all I'm sayin',

Youth Workers Retreat

I had an amazing time this weekend at ECP. An entire weekend spent with friends, in worship, and learning to take care of my mind, body and soul. Unfortunately, it's been a long time since I've gotten to worship without having to be "on", and I was glad to have the opportunity this weekend to do so. It was very refreshing to get to take the time to go to one of the places I consider home and to be with some of the people I consider family.
"Self Care" was the theme of the retreat, and it's one of those things that I've never been good at. I know I've said I'm selfish, and I am. I get caught up in myself and my own thoughts, but that's not the same as taking care of myself. In fact, I spend a lot of time and effort taking care of other people. Not only because my job involves look after the well-being of others, but also because I don't have many people in my life and I feel that if I take care of them, I won't lose their friendship. I do have to admit that having the retreat at ECP was a blessing and a 'curse', especially given the theme of the retreat. I absolutely love it there...but for some reason, I can't not work at camp. I need to take care of things and I need to take care of people, and it's very hard for me to be a 'guest' at El Camino Pines. Still, the retreat was just what I needed.
The weekend was full of good company, prayers, friends, beer, worship, wine, games, dance parties and the rare chance to be around peers.
Then there was this morning's worship service. Which was great. But difficult.
The sermon had to have been especially for me. Pastor Catie said everything I needed, but nothing I actually wanted to hear. Sometimes it's hard to listen to exactly what you need to hear.
It's even harder when you're hearing the words out of your own mouth. I was asked to read the 'prayers of intercession' and every single prayer I read could have been written by my own heart. Offering God our imperfections, giving God our worries and the real clincher: asking God to save us from our cynicism. Crap.
Cynicism is what I do to avoid uncomfortable situations. It's my shield. My way of coping with things I don't want to face. Which is most of my life right now.
There is a certain 'situation' that I am particularly unwilling to face, and unfortunately it's becoming more and more inevitable. I have been praying for clarity, and of course there have been so many indications, especially this past weekend, that I need to face this situation head on with maturity instead of avoiding it and being sarcastic. Even driving home from the retreat I was slapped not only with the RK song "I'm still waiting for you to be the one I'm waiting for" but also by the lyrics of Matthew Thiessen and the Earthquakes song 'Poison Ivy'..."it's all a big 'what if', what if I'd spoken up for what I wanted". Things don't happen if you don't act to make them happen. (But I'm still asking myself what I want to happen).
Then there was this picture that greeted me after I checked my 'google reader' to catch up after the weekend:
OK, OK, OK...I know that getting this off my chest is probably the healthy thing to do, but no matter the result (and I'm unclear what kind of result I'm looking for), things would change, a change I'm not sure I'm ready for. For lack of a stronger word. Crap. Crap. Crap.

Boys and Girls Together

Day 14-Favorite male character, well I would have to go with Ned/The Piemaker here.
He is just so gawkily adorable. He is too cute, too sweet, and can bake a mean triple berry pie (which just happens to be my favorite). He is just so swoon-worthy it's ridiculous!! I can't help it, he pretty much embodies 'my type' to a T. I mean, he's played by Lee Pace who, like Matt Thiessen and John Krasinski, is tall, kinda skinny, and kinda nerdy...and I kinda like that!
Day 15-Favorite female character, since I can't seem to shake the PD bug, I have to go with Olive Snook. Not only is she played by the fabulous Kristin Chenoweth, but Olive is sass and sweetness all rolled into one. She says the thing that everyone else is thinking. She is a 4'11" powerhouse and is so much like the actress who plays her, it gets hard to separate the two. She is the perfect feisty sidekick for the unflappable Emerson Cod!


I really miss this show...

Forget and Not Slow Down

...is the album I've been listening to pretty much non-stop lately. It was written as a 'break-up album', and although you can't break up with someone you were never dating...the lyrics still fit pretty well--lyrics like 'if you close your eyes and listen close/ you can hear the chapter close' and 'when the nightmare finally does unfold/ perspective is a lovely hand to hold' among others. It has been really helpful to put things into perspective after last week's happenings with Jon. It hasn't been a good week...and I wish I could 'forget and not slow down' like the title track suggests, but it's not that easy. I really am trying.
Next week I should be able to get my mind off of things for a little bit, since I get to go to camp...not just any camp, but El Camino Pines, which is the best camp ever. Mostly because that's where my friends all are, but it's also a beautiful site (and a beautiful sight).
Spending time at a place I love with people I think is going to be just what the doctor ordered! And the best part is, it's my JOB to be there.
For some reason the office manager/secretary at my church is baffled by this. She thinks I'm crazy...but part of my heart will ALWAYS belong to ECP

Play by Playlists

I got to see 'Jon' a few days ago, and I'm not gonna lie...it was nice. He could get an Olympic gold medal in hugging, he literally picks me up off the ground.
Which is nice (I'm a bit of a hug connoisseur), but it makes things difficult. I'm trying to decide if pining over Jon is worth it, or if I need to just get over it. Which is why I have developed two iTunes playlists; one is called 'pining', the other: 'over it'
I will share them now

Pining:
Accidentally in Love (Counting Crows)
Alone (Glee Cast Version)
Being in Love (The Music Man)
Clumsy (Fergie)
Eternal Flame (The Bangles)
Gimme, Gimme (Thoroughly Modern Millie)
Goodnight, My Someone (The Music Man)
Holding Out for a Hero (Bonnie Tyler)
Hopelessly Devoted to You (Kristin Chenoweth via the Pushing Daisies soundtrack)
I Can Hear the Bells (Hairspray)
I Know it's Today (Shrek: The Musical)
I Want to Hold Your Hand (from Across the Universe)
I Want You to Want Me (Letters to Cleo)
It's About Time (Jamie Cullum)
Mamma Mia (Mamma Mia)
Maybe This Time (Cabaret)
My Junk (Spring Awakening)
The One I'm Waiting For (Relient K)
Somebody to Love (Queen)
Someday my Prince Will Come (Snow White)
Taylor, the Latte Boy (K-Chen)
Vanilla Twilight (Owl City)
You Don't Know Me (Michael Buble)

Over It:
Adelaide's Lament (Guys & Dolls)
Bowling Ball (Superchic[k])
Bust Your Windows (Glee Cast version)
Devastation and Reform (Relient K)
Don't Rain on My Parade (Funny Girl)
Down With Love (Michael Buble & Holly Palmer)
Gives You Hell (All American Rejects)
Gotta Go My Own Way (High School Musical)
I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Out of My Hair (South Pacific)
I'm Not That Girl (Wicked)
I Don't Need a Soul (Relient K)
I Hate Men (Kiss Me, Kate)
I Will Survive (Gloria Gaynor)
If You Had, But You Didn't (K-Chen)
The Middle (Jimmy Eat World)
Over It (Relient K)
Princes & Frogs (Superchic[k])
There's a Fine, Fine Line (Avenue Q)
These Boots Are Made for Walking (Nancy Sinatra)
What Did I Ever See in Him (Bye Bye Birdie)
You're So Vain (Carly Simon)


I didn't make these playlists specifically for Jon, they were the result of the previous Mr. Monet (a particularly Monet-ish mistake)-though I added a few songs specifically for Jon (I think Michael Buble's You Don't Know Me is pretty perfect for 'us'...if there was an us, which there's not. Just a me and a him...but hey, a girl can dream!)