Half full, half empty or too big

I have this giant mug I got at Disneyland, commemorating the 55th anniversary of the theme park. And by giant...I mean giant!!!

So, naturally...I can't fill it all the way to the top. Whichever hot liquid I chose to put in this cup (coffee or tea) would surly be cold by the time I was half way through. So I don't fill the mug to the top, I fill it to the middle.

Some would say the cup is half full. Some would say it's half empty. Some would say it's too big. Okay, that was literal.

I try so hard to view the proverbial 'mug of life' as half full, and lately it's been taking a lot of effort to see things that way. I'm not flipping over to the 'half empty' side of things, but maybe just the 'too big'. I feel like I have a lot on my plate right now. Work is crazy, my parents are on my case for not 'getting out enough', and I am finally facing the facts that I am too poor to care about any of that. Being optimistic just takes too much work, and I quit. And I'm over it. And I'm tired.

Pity Party

A few weeks ago I decided I was going to throw a little Halloween 'get together'. I invited all friends that live within an hours drive of my place. I thought it'd be fun to have friends over and play games and hang out and have an excuse to wear a costume. A good handful said they'd come...some were even bringing friends/husbands/etc. Some didn't say anything (which I think is kinda rude, but whatevs) and most said they wouldn't be able to make it. One of the friends who couldn't make it said it was because they had already made other plans. I just found out the 'other plans' were for tonight. My thing was supposed to have been last night. Unfortunately, one of my 'yeses' had their work schedule changed, so I ended up going out to dinner with some girlfriends.
Which was better, because I got to see one of my former roomies from college (I would've seen her anyway, but we were able to catch up a lot better in this setting). I am glad that we got to hang out, I hadn't seen her for nearly a year and a half, since she and her husband moved to Italy and just recently returned...and some with HUGE news!!
I'm just bummed out and feeling sorry for myself because I don't have any friends that actually live in Simi...they're all over the place: Costa Mesa, Camarillo, Northridge, Frasier Park, Thousand Oaks, Visalia, Washington...but none in Simi.
B/c none of them live nearby, I have no one to call when I'm bored, and I know some of that has to do with the fact that I'm probably the world's least exciting person ever...
It's another "chicken/egg" scenario. Am I boring because I'm under socialized, or am I under socialized because I'm boring?

Well, I just finished watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" for the second time this Halloween season, so I think it's time for bed...

Knowing when to leave

I hope this is my last post about 'Jon'...I'm getting comments from my reader (Hi Becca!) and I never intended this blah-g to be turned into a diary.
I don't know why I put myself through this, and it's not his fault that he doesn't like me back. He's not a jerk, and that's the hardest part. He's a nice guy, so of course I'm not the only girl who can see that. And I put on a mask of 'eh' as a defense mechanism...therefore girls that act more girly catch his attention. None of this is really his fault, which makes it hard to hate him. Which makes it hard to stop being stupid about him. I've been listing to my 'Over It' playlist and I'm in the 'Gives You Hell', 'Bust Your Windows', 'Bowling Ball' stage...I'm not ready for the 'Many a New Day', 'Up and Up', 'The Middle' stage yet. But it's really hard to be mad at someone who didn't do anything wrong. "I guess if someone doesn't love you back, it isn't such a crime"...I'm mostly mad at myself for getting myself into this. And I've got the upset stomach, the feeling of dis-ease, and the inability to eat and sleep.

I'm 24 and I haven't been on a date in 4 and a half years...what is wrong with me? Why do I keep picking these Monet/Degas guys? Why can't I find a nice, genuine guy who won't break my heart.