Half full, half empty or too big

I have this giant mug I got at Disneyland, commemorating the 55th anniversary of the theme park. And by giant...I mean giant!!!

So, naturally...I can't fill it all the way to the top. Whichever hot liquid I chose to put in this cup (coffee or tea) would surly be cold by the time I was half way through. So I don't fill the mug to the top, I fill it to the middle.

Some would say the cup is half full. Some would say it's half empty. Some would say it's too big. Okay, that was literal.

I try so hard to view the proverbial 'mug of life' as half full, and lately it's been taking a lot of effort to see things that way. I'm not flipping over to the 'half empty' side of things, but maybe just the 'too big'. I feel like I have a lot on my plate right now. Work is crazy, my parents are on my case for not 'getting out enough', and I am finally facing the facts that I am too poor to care about any of that. Being optimistic just takes too much work, and I quit. And I'm over it. And I'm tired.

Knowing when to leave

I hope this is my last post about 'Jon'...I'm getting comments from my reader (Hi Becca!) and I never intended this blah-g to be turned into a diary.
I don't know why I put myself through this, and it's not his fault that he doesn't like me back. He's not a jerk, and that's the hardest part. He's a nice guy, so of course I'm not the only girl who can see that. And I put on a mask of 'eh' as a defense mechanism...therefore girls that act more girly catch his attention. None of this is really his fault, which makes it hard to hate him. Which makes it hard to stop being stupid about him. I've been listing to my 'Over It' playlist and I'm in the 'Gives You Hell', 'Bust Your Windows', 'Bowling Ball' stage...I'm not ready for the 'Many a New Day', 'Up and Up', 'The Middle' stage yet. But it's really hard to be mad at someone who didn't do anything wrong. "I guess if someone doesn't love you back, it isn't such a crime"...I'm mostly mad at myself for getting myself into this. And I've got the upset stomach, the feeling of dis-ease, and the inability to eat and sleep.

I'm 24 and I haven't been on a date in 4 and a half years...what is wrong with me? Why do I keep picking these Monet/Degas guys? Why can't I find a nice, genuine guy who won't break my heart.

Play by Playlists

I got to see 'Jon' a few days ago, and I'm not gonna lie...it was nice. He could get an Olympic gold medal in hugging, he literally picks me up off the ground.
Which is nice (I'm a bit of a hug connoisseur), but it makes things difficult. I'm trying to decide if pining over Jon is worth it, or if I need to just get over it. Which is why I have developed two iTunes playlists; one is called 'pining', the other: 'over it'
I will share them now

Pining:
Accidentally in Love (Counting Crows)
Alone (Glee Cast Version)
Being in Love (The Music Man)
Clumsy (Fergie)
Eternal Flame (The Bangles)
Gimme, Gimme (Thoroughly Modern Millie)
Goodnight, My Someone (The Music Man)
Holding Out for a Hero (Bonnie Tyler)
Hopelessly Devoted to You (Kristin Chenoweth via the Pushing Daisies soundtrack)
I Can Hear the Bells (Hairspray)
I Know it's Today (Shrek: The Musical)
I Want to Hold Your Hand (from Across the Universe)
I Want You to Want Me (Letters to Cleo)
It's About Time (Jamie Cullum)
Mamma Mia (Mamma Mia)
Maybe This Time (Cabaret)
My Junk (Spring Awakening)
The One I'm Waiting For (Relient K)
Somebody to Love (Queen)
Someday my Prince Will Come (Snow White)
Taylor, the Latte Boy (K-Chen)
Vanilla Twilight (Owl City)
You Don't Know Me (Michael Buble)

Over It:
Adelaide's Lament (Guys & Dolls)
Bowling Ball (Superchic[k])
Bust Your Windows (Glee Cast version)
Devastation and Reform (Relient K)
Don't Rain on My Parade (Funny Girl)
Down With Love (Michael Buble & Holly Palmer)
Gives You Hell (All American Rejects)
Gotta Go My Own Way (High School Musical)
I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Out of My Hair (South Pacific)
I'm Not That Girl (Wicked)
I Don't Need a Soul (Relient K)
I Hate Men (Kiss Me, Kate)
I Will Survive (Gloria Gaynor)
If You Had, But You Didn't (K-Chen)
The Middle (Jimmy Eat World)
Over It (Relient K)
Princes & Frogs (Superchic[k])
There's a Fine, Fine Line (Avenue Q)
These Boots Are Made for Walking (Nancy Sinatra)
What Did I Ever See in Him (Bye Bye Birdie)
You're So Vain (Carly Simon)


I didn't make these playlists specifically for Jon, they were the result of the previous Mr. Monet (a particularly Monet-ish mistake)-though I added a few songs specifically for Jon (I think Michael Buble's You Don't Know Me is pretty perfect for 'us'...if there was an us, which there's not. Just a me and a him...but hey, a girl can dream!)