Matchmaker, matchmaker...

I can no longer be trusted to pick out my own guys. I keep choosing the wrong ones. I have had a crush on different versions of the same guy since I was probably in 8th grade. I definitely have a 'type'; both in physical appearance and personality. Tall, athletically-built, fairly good-looking, charming but snarky, teasing, and ultimately kind of a jerk. They are all exactly the same, as is the pattern of stages I go through with each one. There's the 'butterflies in my stomach stage'; the 'he's not that far out of my league' stage; the 'I'm pretty sure he could like me back' stage; the 'now he's just leading me on' stage; the 'I need to just get over him' stage; and it always ends with the 'how could I let him break my heart?' stage...and this is why I refuse to go on picking my own guys. I will no longer acknowledge that fluttery feeling I get in my tummy because I know exactly where it will lead. So I either need someone to choose crushes for me, or I need to teach whatever part of me that controls the butterflies to find a new 'type' and train myself to set my sights on a higher caliber of guy...

Knowing when to leave

I hope this is my last post about 'Jon'...I'm getting comments from my reader (Hi Becca!) and I never intended this blah-g to be turned into a diary.
I don't know why I put myself through this, and it's not his fault that he doesn't like me back. He's not a jerk, and that's the hardest part. He's a nice guy, so of course I'm not the only girl who can see that. And I put on a mask of 'eh' as a defense mechanism...therefore girls that act more girly catch his attention. None of this is really his fault, which makes it hard to hate him. Which makes it hard to stop being stupid about him. I've been listing to my 'Over It' playlist and I'm in the 'Gives You Hell', 'Bust Your Windows', 'Bowling Ball' stage...I'm not ready for the 'Many a New Day', 'Up and Up', 'The Middle' stage yet. But it's really hard to be mad at someone who didn't do anything wrong. "I guess if someone doesn't love you back, it isn't such a crime"...I'm mostly mad at myself for getting myself into this. And I've got the upset stomach, the feeling of dis-ease, and the inability to eat and sleep.

I'm 24 and I haven't been on a date in 4 and a half years...what is wrong with me? Why do I keep picking these Monet/Degas guys? Why can't I find a nice, genuine guy who won't break my heart.