It's a Small World After All!

Yesterday, three of my friends and I played hooky (with permission from our bosses, of course) and spent the day at Disneyland! And for once, I wasn't even the nerdiest one in the group. Since we went on a weekday, the lines were pretty short. We started at California Adventure, and we rode Tower of Terror, Radiator Springs Racers (first time), California Screamin', Ariel's Undersea Adventure (first time), and Soarin' Over California. We sat through Turtle Talk With Crush, and Crush talked to me! He gave me a new nickname "Laguna Lauren" duuuuude. Then a hop, skip and a jump over to the Happiest Place on Earth for Pirates of the Caribbean, Big Thunder Mountain, Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, Space Mountain (twice!), Buzz Lightyear and straight to the front of the line for the Matterhorn (favorite!) because my friend was wearing a Matterhorn shirt. As magical as all of that was the true magic happened, coincidentally, after getting off of It's a Small World. When what to my wondering eyes should appear? Two of my favorite people, the camp directors at El Camino Pines (the second happiest place on earth!) I love that one of the first things they said to me was 'Of course we would run into you at Disneyland'.
Then, Disney magic and Christmas magic joined forces, and we got to hear a beautiful choir singing some of my favorite holiday hymns, and even some scripture readings about the Reason for the Season!

Even though I wasn't able to find a Disney Christmas mug worthy of my collection, it's pretty safe to say it was one of the best Disney Days ever!!

Put it into practice...

I 'follow' the ELCA on twitter...well, I follow a lot of people/organizations on twitter, but who ever is in charge of tweeting on behalf of the ELCA will once in a while ask a really awesome 'think about it' question. This past Saturday the question was 'Do you remember your confirmation verse?' And I actually have a really interesting 'relationship' with my confirmation verse.

When it was given to 15 year-old me at my confirmation, I was like 'sure, this verse is, like, cool and stuff'. Then I tucked it away in my Bible and didn't really give it much thought. I'd revisit it from time to time, but it didn't really click what my verse was about. The meaning of the verse was fairly clear, but I didn't understand why my pastor had picked this verse for me. I didn't get it.

In fact, I didn't 'get' why my pastor chose this verse for me until about 2 years ago.

The verse is Philippians 4:9 "Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice and the God of Peace will be with you". The entire book of Philippians is a letter from the Apostle Paul to the church in Philippi, and in the fourth chapter (the last chapter) Paul is leaving the Philippians with some final instructions and encouragement. With this particular verse, Paul is encouraging the recipients of the letter to follow in his example of ministry and spread the word of Christ to the community.

Now there's some back ground on the verse, here is some background on 15-year-old me and why she didn't think this verse particularly applied to her:

When I was 15 I was toying with the idea of being an interior designer when I grew up. And while I knew I was still going to go to church and 'all that stuff' I didn't really see myself going out into the community to talk to people about Jesus...well, not intentionally, anyway.

Then about four years later, I decided to declare as a religion major in college. I came home from college for the summer and was asked to help with the 7-12th grade class for vacation Bible school at my home church. The next winter, I was asked to come along as a chaperone for the winter retreat. I talked to my youth director. I talked to the current youth director. I talked to my pastor. I talked to my parents. I talked to them about the possibility of going into youth ministry. These two small fortes into being a youth leader sparked a fire. Working as a camp counselor fanned the flame, and all this time, my confirmation verse stayed tucked away in my Bible and tucked way away in the back of my head.

After graduating and devoting one last summer to ECP, I made several attempts to be a youth director in the 'real world'. I got a bunch of 'no's which was incredibly discouraging. Maybe I wasn't supposed to be in youth ministry after all. Then my mom told me the story about how I used to teach Sunday school to my stuffed animals. After nearly a year of 'we're looking for someone with more experience', I approached my pastor and the current youth director at the church and asked if I could do some sort of 'internship' at the church in order to gain the 'experience' that I lacked. I got the 'job'. And my own office!! As I was getting my new office all set up, I decided the bevy of Bibles I have would look good on the shelves, and as I was placing my 'Teen Study Bible' up on the shelf, I decided to thumb through it. I found the slip of paper with Philippians 4:9 typed on it that I had received at my confirmation.

I was taking the things that I had learned and I was putting them into practice. This verse that was 'cool and stuff' may not have applied to 15-year-old me, but youth director me has discovered a whole new side to this verse that makes me wonder if my pastor knew something back then that I didn't...

Youth Workers Retreat

I had an amazing time this weekend at ECP. An entire weekend spent with friends, in worship, and learning to take care of my mind, body and soul. Unfortunately, it's been a long time since I've gotten to worship without having to be "on", and I was glad to have the opportunity this weekend to do so. It was very refreshing to get to take the time to go to one of the places I consider home and to be with some of the people I consider family.
"Self Care" was the theme of the retreat, and it's one of those things that I've never been good at. I know I've said I'm selfish, and I am. I get caught up in myself and my own thoughts, but that's not the same as taking care of myself. In fact, I spend a lot of time and effort taking care of other people. Not only because my job involves look after the well-being of others, but also because I don't have many people in my life and I feel that if I take care of them, I won't lose their friendship. I do have to admit that having the retreat at ECP was a blessing and a 'curse', especially given the theme of the retreat. I absolutely love it there...but for some reason, I can't not work at camp. I need to take care of things and I need to take care of people, and it's very hard for me to be a 'guest' at El Camino Pines. Still, the retreat was just what I needed.
The weekend was full of good company, prayers, friends, beer, worship, wine, games, dance parties and the rare chance to be around peers.
Then there was this morning's worship service. Which was great. But difficult.
The sermon had to have been especially for me. Pastor Catie said everything I needed, but nothing I actually wanted to hear. Sometimes it's hard to listen to exactly what you need to hear.
It's even harder when you're hearing the words out of your own mouth. I was asked to read the 'prayers of intercession' and every single prayer I read could have been written by my own heart. Offering God our imperfections, giving God our worries and the real clincher: asking God to save us from our cynicism. Crap.
Cynicism is what I do to avoid uncomfortable situations. It's my shield. My way of coping with things I don't want to face. Which is most of my life right now.
There is a certain 'situation' that I am particularly unwilling to face, and unfortunately it's becoming more and more inevitable. I have been praying for clarity, and of course there have been so many indications, especially this past weekend, that I need to face this situation head on with maturity instead of avoiding it and being sarcastic. Even driving home from the retreat I was slapped not only with the RK song "I'm still waiting for you to be the one I'm waiting for" but also by the lyrics of Matthew Thiessen and the Earthquakes song 'Poison Ivy'..."it's all a big 'what if', what if I'd spoken up for what I wanted". Things don't happen if you don't act to make them happen. (But I'm still asking myself what I want to happen).
Then there was this picture that greeted me after I checked my 'google reader' to catch up after the weekend:
OK, OK, OK...I know that getting this off my chest is probably the healthy thing to do, but no matter the result (and I'm unclear what kind of result I'm looking for), things would change, a change I'm not sure I'm ready for. For lack of a stronger word. Crap. Crap. Crap.

No Day But Today

...and to continue the Broadway love I present the souvenir mug from the Broadway tour of Rent. Which I saw with my cool aunt Jenny* and my cousin in San Fransisco. Original Mark (Anthony Rapp) and original Roger (Adam Pascal)...
Plus, while waiting for Anthony Rapp's autograph, I was talking to this girl in line...and as I walked away, I realized I had worked with her at camp. Small world. And awkward that we didn't recognize each other.


*everyone needs a cool aunt...I am so lucky to have my aunt Jenny. She is the coolest 'cool aunt' ever!

Misc.

I'm at my parents house because I'm on 'vacation' this week. I'm not going to take a week off and sit in my apartment, and if I didn't have anywhere to go I wouldn't have taken a vacation at all. Tomorrow we're leaving for the Northern Cali cost, which should be interesting to say the least.
Since all my furniture is now in my own apartment, my room here is just an empty teal box...it's sad. Also, it means I have to sleep in my sister's room and I officially don't live here anymore, which is weird.
I was rumaging through my closet, though, looking for some old pictures (since one of me and a friend circa 1997 just surfaced, I was wondering what other gems I could find), and I came across the bridesmaid dress I wore in my friend's wedding two years ago. Naturally I had to try it on. It still fits (well, it still zips)...and I've been wearing it around the house for the past 15 minutes.
Yeah, I'm 24 and I'm playing dress-up. But I paid $170 for this dress, and I only got to wear it once, and it's pretty.
It's ice blue, strappless, tea length and has exposed tulle at the bottom with some pretty ribbon deatail. It makes me feel like a real girl.
I don't feel like a real girl very often, it's not that I'm not feminine enough, I guess...but I tend to act a little bit more cynical when I talk to guys than I should be. Especially last week at camp. Now, I love my camp friends dearly...and some of this can be blamed on a camp wardrobe that consists entirely of cut offs and tank tops...but I just spent a week not feeling the least bit like a girl. A female, yes...but an actual lady? Notsomuch. So today I wore a skirt and heals to church, make-up, hair the whole schpiel, and it helped...but putting on this dress makes me feel like a real lady.

Now, if you'll exuse me...I have to get ready to take a trip with my mommy and daddy tomorrow, and it's almost past my bed time.

Forget and Not Slow Down

...is the album I've been listening to pretty much non-stop lately. It was written as a 'break-up album', and although you can't break up with someone you were never dating...the lyrics still fit pretty well--lyrics like 'if you close your eyes and listen close/ you can hear the chapter close' and 'when the nightmare finally does unfold/ perspective is a lovely hand to hold' among others. It has been really helpful to put things into perspective after last week's happenings with Jon. It hasn't been a good week...and I wish I could 'forget and not slow down' like the title track suggests, but it's not that easy. I really am trying.
Next week I should be able to get my mind off of things for a little bit, since I get to go to camp...not just any camp, but El Camino Pines, which is the best camp ever. Mostly because that's where my friends all are, but it's also a beautiful site (and a beautiful sight).
Spending time at a place I love with people I think is going to be just what the doctor ordered! And the best part is, it's my JOB to be there.
For some reason the office manager/secretary at my church is baffled by this. She thinks I'm crazy...but part of my heart will ALWAYS belong to ECP

He loves me not

The Promises, Promises website has this cute little ap that allows one to click petals off of a cyber daisy to determine if the one you love loves you back (a tried and true test that is always accurate)
Things were off to a great start:

Then I got to the final petal and...well:

I suppose I could 'try again' like the clickable at the bottom suggests...but the daisy has spoken, and confirmed what I've known all along.
Well, not that 'Jon' doesn't love me...just not in that way
It's like in one of my favorite episodes of 'Pushing Daisies'(Window Dressed to Kill) Olive & Ned are 'playing fiances', then Ned tells Olive she's been fun to 'try on' and she responds with the best Olive Moment of the series:
"Try On? You try on a sweater at the mall. You try on your best friend's bra and you smile on the inside cause yours are bigger and better. You don't TRY ON a person" She then makes the announcement that Ned never loved her to which he replies "I love you Olive, as a friend"...yep, that seems about right.

On a different note: almost every awesome person I know right now is at camp, and I'm bummed because I have to be a grown-up. Some people run away to join the circus, well camp is definitely the kind of circus I would love to run off an join. I'm so homesick for Jeffery pine trees and a place where I can wear my quirks on my sleeve.