Life is a Cabaret

I am currently in a production of Kander and Ebb's musical of Cabaret. I play Fraulein Kost with the added bonus of getting to also dance in the Kit Kat Klub.
As a dancer, I have been itching to sink my character shoes into a show with some serious Fosse-style choreo, so when I heard that a local community theater was going to take on Cabaret, I knew I had to go for it. I thought I would land among the dancers, as I almost always do...so I was surprised to land the sizable supporting role of Fraulein Kost. This musical is unlike anything I have ever done before. My character is seriously reprehensible. She is sexy, though I play her with my signature touch of humor.

Here is a list of things that Fraulein Kost is:
-A prostitute with a long list of sailors as clients
-A dancer in a seedy night club
-A self-serving and manipulative 'witchy-poo with a B'
-A Nazi sympathizer

Here is a list of things that I am:
-A preschool teacher
-A person whose heart bleeds for 'the least of these'
-A caring friend
-AN ACTRESS!!!!

Please do not confuse me with my character. Please do not think that when I am on stage in fishnets I am acting as some alter-ego that is somehow emerging forth. Please do not make comments about getting to know "the real me" after seeing me perform. I hate...HATE these types of comments. I know they're likely teasing, but I got these comments after playing a 'lovely lady' in Les Miserables and I'm getting them now.
The real me is the me I am every day. Off-stage. Cracking jokes, having feelings, not speaking lines memorized from a script someone else wrote.
The me on stage isn't me at all. The movements I make on stage are movements I was directed to make. The words I say are words someone else wrote. The clothes I wear are a costume someone else chose. I'm not even playing the role I initially auditioned for!!!!!!
Lauren is more likely to pick up the knitting, the book (though probably not a broom), than to dance in a real life Cabaret. Fraulein Kost
makes an appearance in the kick line every night!

What possess me to audition and perform in roles so opposite from my real life? Well...my real life is boring, and it's fun to take that 'vacation' on stage every night. It's nice to live as someone else. That doesn't make me anything like my character...I'm still just me!

Join the Family Business

My dad is a retired elementary teacher.
My mom is a retired elementary teacher.
My grandmother taught elementary school for a bit.
My sister has an elementary teaching credential.
I fought becoming a teacher for so long, but it's hard to fight something that has been surrounding you your entire life. You could say it's in my blood. And yes, I teach elementary school.

But teaching is just what I do, it's not what I am. What I am is a performer. With education so deeply rooted in my genetics, this performance tendency must be a fluke, right? Maybe not quite.

I grew up not only as the daughter of two teachers, but also as the daughter of a musician. My father's love for music is something very valuable that he has passed on to me. He taught me and showed me how to appreciate music, and the importance of challenging myself.

Teaching was just something my father did, but what my father is is a musician. During his teaching career, he brought his guitar into his classroom. He made time to be in a band. He 'jammed' with buddies. And for the past 20 years, he has been a constant fixture in our church's praise band as both a guitar player and drummer.

Dad and I singing at church camp-1993ish

When my dad retired from teaching, he had plans for his music. He was going to perform. He spent money on equipment, he put together a demo CD, he took voice lessons. He started getting gigs at retirement centers and such. But now, he is playing at farmer's markets, private parties and in downtown Visalia!

So yes, teaching is what I do...but what I am is a feather duster, a cloth merchant, a prostitute, a naval nurse, a scientist, a wardrobe consultant, and whatever else I want to be!

To dance again

Tonight I got to go to a high school dance recital. I love when my students invite me to their events...but I have a special place in my heart for dance recitals. They really make me miss my dancer days. True, some of the beginning classes were painful to watch (a lot of 'hamburger hands'), and some of the student choreography was pretty awkward as well (but who am I to judge self expression?) but I saw that stage and wanted nothing more than to lace up my pointe shoes and tour jete on up there with the rest of 'em.

Aside from the fact that it would be painfully awkward for all parties involved, I doubt I can even do it anymore. It's been almost 7 years since I've donned a tutu and stepped into the spot light, and I know I sound like a broken record, but I really miss it. I miss the freedom I felt when I danced. I miss how graceful I felt when I danced. I miss the absolute high I felt while en pointe and executing a pirouette. I miss being on a stage. I miss being back stage. I miss dressing rooms, and stage make-up and costumes and tights and glitter...

What I Did For Love

"If today was the day you had to stop dancing..."

I stopped dancing 6 1/2 years ago...and I miss it so much. I started taking dance classes when I was in elementary school. Tap, Jazz and Ballet. I eventually quit tap, I was the one tapper who couldn't quite sync up with the rest and made the piece sound like crap. I had to perform a tap number for a dance class I took in high school and I took the taps off my shoes so the audience couldn't hear me. Jazz wasn't my favorite, but it was a lot of fun and the costumes were awesome (except for the unfortunate crushed velvet unitard of '99). But Ballet was my favorite. When I was in 7th grade I got to start en pointe, and even though my feet hated me, I couldn't stop loving Ballet. Every Christmas we would perform a piece from 'Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker'; to this day I can't hear Tea (Chinese Dance) without thinking échappé, échappé, possé, possé in my head. Plain and simple, I miss Ballet. I never thought I'd be a professional dancer when I grew up. I knew that this was just a hobby and form of exercise. I wasn't going to be the next Anna Pavlova. I never had aspirations of joining the American Ballet Corps. But I still miss it. I miss my pointe shoes, and my custom made tutu, and pliés, and battements, and tour jetés, and pirouettés, and the absolute high that comes from doing them on a stage with bright lights shining in your eyes.
I miss the perceived grace that came with being a dancer. I miss using that as a way of identifying myself when I was in high school. Michaela was the 'tennis player', Emily was 'the band girl', Natalie was 'the choir girl', Whatsherface was 'on the honor roll', I was 'the dancer'. Whether or not I was all that great (I wasn't), that's who I was. I loved inviting my friends to my recitals. I loved being 'the dancer'.
I remember we were doing a re-fitting my senior year, since none of us had worn our tutus in about a year. So I had my tutu on, and my pointe shoes. I was also wearing some pretty grungy tights (we used to have races with the runs in our tights. We would pick at them and see how long we could get them to go in one pull). But I was beaming. I didn't realize I was beaming until one of the girls in my class pointed out 'Lauren's got her stage face on'. I couldn't NOT smile, even there at the dance studio, no audience, no stage, no lights, tights that were more run than tights, yet being in costume, I couldn't help it. I loved the way I felt. I wish I could wear my tutu every day. It was lightly boned, so not only did it have a nice corset effect on my tummy, but it gave me incredible posture. And while pointe shoes are definitely not the comfort footwear of choice for most, I miss those too. It makes me sad that my feet are all pretty now instead of callus-y and blister-y from my shoes.
I think I might dance around my living room when I get home...with the blinds closed, of course

There's nothing like a show on Broadway

internet was MIA this weekend...and consequently so was I.
Never fear...here is a mug shots mega-post to fill you in on a weekend's worth of coffee mugs!
My Playbill mug and my Sardi's mug both remind me about how much I love musicals...you really can't beat live theatre. It's so unpredictable!!

Sardi's is this totally cool theatre-goers dream come true restaurant right in Schubert Alley in the theatre district of NYC!!
It's where I had my birthday dinner before I saw:
which was AWESOME. I got to check 'seeing Kristin Chenoweth on Broadway' off my bucket list, and meet her, Sean Hayes, and Tony-Winner Katie Finneran after the show!!
AH-MAZ-ING!!