Human Again

Ugh...I human-ed today. I try so hard not to do that in front of other people.

But I human-ed, and I human-ed BIG TIME, and I human-ed in front of a large group of people.

Since 2012, I have been blessed to serve as a presiding minister for the congregation I grew up in. This is a role I take very seriously. I still wonder why my pastor chose me for this, because I mess up. A lot. Like I am one of the most human humans to ever human. I am a frazzled, flustered mess of a human like 90% of the time. The other 10%, I'm probably sleeping.

Although worship is not about me, I do not want to detract from the worship experience of others by being under-prepared, or by seeming like I'm not taking the role with respect and reverence. I make sure to dress professionally, skip the sloppy bun and actually do my hair and put make up on my face.  In short, I don't want to look like a mess. I cannot portray the humanity within.

But something happened. My mic went out, it threw me off (which it shouldn't have, I've been on stage enough times to know that the 'show' must go on). I human-ed up the benediction, and instead of just stumbling along through the human-ness that was happening, I gave it an extra dose of human by calling attention to the humanity and the way that I felt about my cute outfit, good hair day, and the fact that I actually looked decent in make-up went out the window and I just wanted to crawl in a hole.

Why do I have to human? Why can't I just get it right? Maybe one of these days...

Drawing a...uh...um...

I have been a presiding minister at Christ Lutheran Church since the beginning of the year. Every other Sunday, I get up in front of the congregation and announce the offering, read from scripture, pray, facilitate confession and preside over communion for two services. I estimate I've done this about 30 times. I think I have gotten it exactly right once (maaaaybe twice). There is one part of all this that really seems to trip me up. During communion I say the following words while simultaneously breaking bread: "On the night in which he was betrayed, our Lord Jesus took bread, gave thanks, and gave it to his disciples saying: "Take and eat, this is my body, broken for you."
I may be fairly new to presiding over worship, but I am not new to church. So, while I've only been saying these words a couple dozen times...I've heard them said more than 1,000 times in my life. You'd think I'd have them down by now.
But I don't.
I always blank at this part...which leads to me standing there like this:

I have really poor hand/brain/mouth coordination. 

Meanwhile as I stand there awkwardly Lion-King-ing my brain decides to take FOR-EV-ER to tell my eyes to look down at my notes. Again, the coordination thing. I'm not good at it.

I'm just amazed (and honored and grateful and flabbergasted) that they let me keep doing this!

Why moving back home was the best decision I didn't get to make for myself.

Exactly a year ago today, I made the necessary move back into my parents' house after the devastation of losing my job. After the move, I felt small, I felt defeated, and I felt incredibly depressed. I didn't have a job, I didn't have a purpose, and I didn't have an ounce of independence. I didn't want to do anything...I couldn't do anything except watch Penelope on a loop all day. I had lost any reason I had ever had for getting out of bed.

A year later...I can say that moving back to Visalia has been the biggest blessing in my life!

Friends- I have a sitcom-like group of people in my life, and I'm not sure how I got this far without them! I have been more social, been on more adventures, and have had some of the most fun I can imagine in this past year: Beach days, mountain weekends, theme parks, 5Ks, Denny's, spontaneous ice cream runs, movie nights, sock golf, movies, mini golf, game nights, sevies runs, you name it! These people make my life better then it's ever been!!

Work- I feel like I have really found my footing teaching preschool. I really feel like this is what I was meant to do. I still get to hang out and help out with the youth, which I love doing...but my heart is that of a preschool teacher. I am so much happier in this career then I was in youth ministry. I get to hang out with children every single day. I get to do arts & crafts, I get to sing silly songs, I get to hold tiny hands and I get to hear things like "Miss Lauren, you look pretty today"...such a self-esteem boost!! I work with an amazing and supportive group of women so I pretty much have the best job ever!

Church- I have always considered my church here in Visalia to be my home. I literally grew up at Christ Lutheran, and the members of that church are my family! Ever since I've been back, I have felt so supported and encouraged. I feel so filled with worship, and ironically...the church that has known me since I was a baby treats me more like an adult and with more respect than the church that I worked for. I have even been honored to serve as a presiding minister, which has been so incredible. I am so humbled to be trusted with such a big responsibility.

It is incredible to look back and reflect on the awful experience of losing my job and see all the good that has come from it. Even though I'm still stuck in my parents' house...I can confidently say my life is about 88% better now then it was in SoCal

New Beginnings

Happy New Year!!

2011 was a bit of a roller coaster what with losing my job and moving back in with the folks. However, if I hadn't had to move back here...I probably wouldn't have (unintentionally) kept my resolution from last year which was: "This year I need to make more friends, try not to be so much of a homebody, and not to spend next NYE alone, doing laundry and blogging in my sweat pants watching Carson Daly's schpiel on NBC"

Yes, I had to force myself to get out of the house once I moved back, but connecting with the 'Relate' group at my church helped me to make more friends. Friends I spent New Years Eve with. A New Years Eve I spent away from my house. So...that was one blessing that came from the crappy hand I was dealt.

Another blessing is the job I have now. I love working with preschoolers more than I ever thought I would. I was on the youth-ministry track for so long, I never even considered this as a career. Now, here I am going back to school so I can broaden my preschool teaching horizons!

I still love working/hanging out with youth, but after spending 3 days in San Diego with 21 middle- and high- school students but I've realized: I am just so much happier in the role of chaperone.

This year is already off to a great start.

I am worship leading at my church (doing things the ELCA says I'm not technically qualified to do...yikes!)

I am switching to mornings at work, and keeping some afternoon hours as well (getting closer to full-time!)

I am back in school...although the jury is still out on whether or not I'm excited about this

and...I get to be the maid of honor in the wedding of a very close family member!!

Bring it on, 2012!!

Going to the chapel!

Yesterday one of my oldest friends got married...she's not old as a person (she's only 25), just old as a friend. Emily and I met at church and have been friends since about first or second grade. We went all the way through Sunday school, confirmation, high school and youth group together. And I was honored to be invited to take part in this special day with her! The ceremony was beautiful, the bride was gorgeous, the groom was beaming from ear to ear and the reception was fantastic!

The reception was held at the Visalia Country Club, which I had never been to before. It's a pretty swanky establishment so it's a good thing I had my classy hair-do...or they probably wouldn't have let me in. It was great to see some friends from high school again, as well as some of their parents. It was kind of weird, though...trying to figure out how and when we all became grown-ups. I mean, ten years ago I never would have imagined sipping champagne with people whose fridges I'd raided at so many sleep-overs. I mean, sharing a dance floor with moms and dads that were like second parents through high school...weird, right?

But it was a really fun reception, the food was terrific and band was rockin'. I even got to dance with the cutest guy!! Granted, he was probably about 7, but he definitely had 'those moves like Jagger'! I love dancing at weddings! I didn't even take my shoes off...I lasted all night in my 3" heels...you should be impressed!!

Congrats to Emily and Drew...I know you two will live happily ever after!

There's no place like home for the holidays

Sometimes I wonder 'at what point in my adult life will I stop referring to my parents house as 'home'?'
My apartment in Simi Valley is very home-y, and when I am somewhere not in Simi I always refer to my return as 'going home', however, any trip up to Visalia can also be classified as 'going home'.
And talk about 'from Atlantic to Pacific, gee the traffic is terrific'...I think driving to the Atlantic coast would have taken less time than I spent on the 405. It took me 5 whole songs, and at one point I'm pretty sure I was part of a convoy...there were so many trucks, it was redic!
But I made it...I made it home to Visalia. Hanging with the 'rents watching Dog the Bounty Hunter.
I get to go to church with the fam tonight, and get to see some of my CLC peeps that I haven't seen in about a year, including my goddaughter.
I have been a terrible godmother lately, it's hard when you live so far away...but for a few short days I get to be around family and friends and to be surrounded by all Visalia stuff that for some reason I tried so hard to get away from.
When I come up here, I have little to no time to relax, my time is pretty booked because I have so many Visalia things to see and Visalia things to do.
Tonight is soup and church and PIE SOCIAL!!
Tomorrow gotta get up in time for the parade, Thanksgiving 'linner' and watching 'A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving' with the sis
Finding time over the weekend to watch Deathly Hallows with Becca, and Tangled with the bff...hopefully going down and getting some lunch or at least a tea at 210 (assuming they're still open on Saturdays) and squeezing in time to be bummed about missing the "Monday after Thanksgiving Visalia's Candy Cane Lane Christmas Parade"

The Third Commandment

Observe the Sabbath day, to keep it holy ~ Exodus 20:8 (MSG)
I take this to mean many things. I go to church on Sundays, yes...but I also use a holy mug. Well, today I did. I only have one, so we'll have to wait and see what happens the rest of the Sundays in August.
This mug was a promotion for the building project that the church I grew up in was doing. It has a pun on the back. Such a cute play on words...well...you'll see
It feels like I'm cheating on my current church to say this, but I really miss Christ Lutheran. Maybe it's just a feeling you get from a community that has know you since you were 'this big' (hand held about two feet off the ground). I do like the church I'm at now (and I'm not just a member, but an employee as well), but CLC will always hold a special place in my heart.



I really like the cruciform cross that is on the front of this mug. I also have it as a necklace, which I wear almost every day. It reminds me that, yes, Jesus died on the cross...but He's not there anymore. He conquered death to save us all!! Amen!