Is it Ironic?

The thing about Alanis Morissettes' song Ironic is that nothing in that song is actually ironic, it just all kind of sucks.
There is absolutely nothing ironic about having "10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife". Isn't it inconvenient? I guess the irony is that it isn't ironic at all. And if that's the way we're thinking, I guess I could call what happened the other day at Target 'ironic' (when really, it just kinda sucked).
I need to preface this by telling you a little bit about 'Stacy'. Stacy was a girl I went to Jr. High and High School with. She was pretty and popular and (in the words of my dance teacher) a bit of a 'witchie-poo with a b'. As an early teen, I was awkward, I was naive and I was too small. I wasn't allowed to wear blue nail polish (which was totes, like, the height of coolness), and nothing I wore was a brand name. I actually wore clothes from the children's section until I was 15, because, as my mom said, "the clothes fit and they're cheaper". I had few friends and Stacy made sure to point all of this out to me on a regular basis.
So flash forward 10 years later, and I see Stacy and her fiance registering for wedding gifts at Target. Who would have thought?
Then Stacy pretended like we were actually friends or acquaintances or whatever (I'm guessing more for the fiance's sake then for mine). And then the question I dread being asked nowadays: "So what are you up to?" I mean, I'm wearing cut-offs and my Color Run t-shirt at Target in the middle of the day, so clearly I've got a lot going on in my life right now. (Okay, I was shopping for supplies for a BBQ, so things aren't terrible). Plus, I love my job, teaching preschool is wonderful, so I try to focus on that. But there's still that whole dirt-broke-and-single-living-with-my-parents thing that I love bragging about so much. I just went right back to feeling like that awkward naive little girl with the wrong clothes and always two steps behind everyone else in the growing up department.
It figures.

Moving out and moving on...

I have neglected this blog as of late because something slightly devastating has happened and I needed to talk about with with family and friends before slapping it up on the internet.

It goes like this: I lost my job. This isn't the appropriate setting to give details, but I can say that it sucks.

A lot.

Loss of job (and the loss of income that comes with it) has forced me to move out of my apartment in the SoCal suburbs and back in with my parents in the Central Valley. As grueling as packing and unpacking was and is, the mental preparation for this move took more out of me than the physical. At 25, the idea of living with my parents (even though I've already been here for two weeks) still makes me mad and sad. I feel like I've lost my freedom (cue over-dramtic music).

While being back in my hometown hasn't been all bad (I enjoyed an impromptu picnic with a couple of old friends last weekend and a 'murder mystery dinner party' with some new friends this past weekend) it's just still very hard to wrap my mind around the fact that I don't have a job or money...and very little dignity. I just updated my resume, and I'm looking into taking some classes to increase my array of 'marketable skillz'. I've filled out half a dozen online job-applications (as well as the Myers-Briggs-esque questionnaires that accompany each one)...

I'm still not 100% what I want to 'be'. I can't see myself in a career that doesn't involve working with kids, as taxing as they are...I just love 'em