What happened?!? (The Sequel)

It was fall, for like, two seconds...and now California is being hit with this absurd heat wave. It's midnight and it's 85 degrees outside, and approximately ten times that inside my apartment with three fans on and all the windows open. On Monday Los Angeles was the hottest it had ever been since "they" have started recording temperatures. I think it was like a thousand degrees that day or something. It is too hot to do anything. It's too hot to even sit on my sofa and watch TV with a fan pointed at my face.
I don't do heat. I'm no stranger to heat, I've experienced triple digit summers my entire life, and for some reason it always takes me by surprise how much I hate it and how whiney I get when it's hot. I think I have carpel tunnel in my wrist from constantly fanning myself. I have been wandering around my apartment in spaghetti straps and PJ shorts, and the thing that sucks is that it's STILL too much clothes. It's too darn hot to do anything. I'm at the point where I wish I had a fever, because the accompanying chills might give me the illusion of being cold. But, like an a la carte fever; not one that comes with tummy aches and dizziness and that feeling I get when I have the flu that my skin hurts. If this makes no sense, blame heatstroke-an apparently feverless ailment...
I kinda lost where I was going with this, but that just because it's too hot to concentrate.
Maybe the thing that's got me whining so much is that it's supposed to be fall. I mean it's October for goodness sake (just barely, but still...), and it's been too hot for a Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks. How am I supposed to be excited about October without my Pumpkin Spice Latte? I keep forgetting what time of year it is. I look at the calendar and think, "I need to start figuring out what I'm going to be/do for Halloween" then I step outside and I'm like "crap, it's hot". Cause with heat like this, the only thoughts that occupy my head are those relating to how hellishly hot it is outside.
I'm quite literally melting...and I'm adding another item to my list of things that do not thrill me about LA: the complete disregard for seasonally appropriate weather.
I'm thinking of moving to a climate-controlled bio-dome.