lately...

So I've discovered that the unemployed lifestyle provides absolutely nothing to blog about. I thought trying to keep life exciting was hard before, but when you have to actually force yourself to leave the house because you've realized its 3pm and you've been inside all day, you really know something is wrong.

Last week, however, I did have a nice Disney-day with a friend. That was exciting. I'm always up for a trip to Disneyland and a catch-up with Tabby!! (More the Tabby part, though, since D-land is a crowded mess during the summer...and I'm not just saying that because she's one of the five people who reads this).

Um...I saw a community production of Fiddler on the Roof last night, that was good!! My goddaughter was in it, just as an extra, but I still love seeing her on stage!

Just trying to figure out how this 'being an unemployed adult living at home' thing works. I'm trying to be very careful with phrasing things. Like saying 'my parents house' instead of 'my house' so I don't get too comfy here and decide to never leave. I'm also trying to cut out some time for myself each day. I take my self on coffee dates, just so I can be sure to leave the house everyday.

Hedgehogs and flamingos

A friend of mine is 'all about lawn games this summer', so she invited me over for iced tea and croquet. I had never played croquet before, and I thoroughly enjoyed it! The weather is definitely heating up, but today wasn't too warm for a couple rounds and some long overdue catching up.

The thing about croquet is that it seems so quaint and civilized that it made me feel much more cultured and polished than I actually am. When you play croquet you find yourself using words like 'quite' and 'perhaps' in normal conversation.

I had so much fun, I think someday I might even purchase my own mallets, wickets and croquet balls!

Matchmaker, matchmaker...

I can no longer be trusted to pick out my own guys. I keep choosing the wrong ones. I have had a crush on different versions of the same guy since I was probably in 8th grade. I definitely have a 'type'; both in physical appearance and personality. Tall, athletically-built, fairly good-looking, charming but snarky, teasing, and ultimately kind of a jerk. They are all exactly the same, as is the pattern of stages I go through with each one. There's the 'butterflies in my stomach stage'; the 'he's not that far out of my league' stage; the 'I'm pretty sure he could like me back' stage; the 'now he's just leading me on' stage; the 'I need to just get over him' stage; and it always ends with the 'how could I let him break my heart?' stage...and this is why I refuse to go on picking my own guys. I will no longer acknowledge that fluttery feeling I get in my tummy because I know exactly where it will lead. So I either need someone to choose crushes for me, or I need to teach whatever part of me that controls the butterflies to find a new 'type' and train myself to set my sights on a higher caliber of guy...

Moving out and moving on...

I have neglected this blog as of late because something slightly devastating has happened and I needed to talk about with with family and friends before slapping it up on the internet.

It goes like this: I lost my job. This isn't the appropriate setting to give details, but I can say that it sucks.

A lot.

Loss of job (and the loss of income that comes with it) has forced me to move out of my apartment in the SoCal suburbs and back in with my parents in the Central Valley. As grueling as packing and unpacking was and is, the mental preparation for this move took more out of me than the physical. At 25, the idea of living with my parents (even though I've already been here for two weeks) still makes me mad and sad. I feel like I've lost my freedom (cue over-dramtic music).

While being back in my hometown hasn't been all bad (I enjoyed an impromptu picnic with a couple of old friends last weekend and a 'murder mystery dinner party' with some new friends this past weekend) it's just still very hard to wrap my mind around the fact that I don't have a job or money...and very little dignity. I just updated my resume, and I'm looking into taking some classes to increase my array of 'marketable skillz'. I've filled out half a dozen online job-applications (as well as the Myers-Briggs-esque questionnaires that accompany each one)...

I'm still not 100% what I want to 'be'. I can't see myself in a career that doesn't involve working with kids, as taxing as they are...I just love 'em

Half full, half empty or too big

I have this giant mug I got at Disneyland, commemorating the 55th anniversary of the theme park. And by giant...I mean giant!!!

So, naturally...I can't fill it all the way to the top. Whichever hot liquid I chose to put in this cup (coffee or tea) would surly be cold by the time I was half way through. So I don't fill the mug to the top, I fill it to the middle.

Some would say the cup is half full. Some would say it's half empty. Some would say it's too big. Okay, that was literal.

I try so hard to view the proverbial 'mug of life' as half full, and lately it's been taking a lot of effort to see things that way. I'm not flipping over to the 'half empty' side of things, but maybe just the 'too big'. I feel like I have a lot on my plate right now. Work is crazy, my parents are on my case for not 'getting out enough', and I am finally facing the facts that I am too poor to care about any of that. Being optimistic just takes too much work, and I quit. And I'm over it. And I'm tired.

I like to pronounce it 'thee-ay-tor'

...theatre, that is.

I went up to visit my parents this weekend, and Friday evening, my mom and I went to the William Saroyan Theatre where the national touring company of Wicked (a New? Musical) is making a brief stop. This was my second time seeing Wicked, but before I talk too much about the show I'm going to be a snob and do a little rant on theatre etiquette. My first complaint is how people were dressed...yes, it is just Fresno, but I have always upheld that, whether it is community theatre or a professional show, people should dress for theatre. I'm not expecting ball gowns and tuxedos...but please no Uggs, flip-flops, t-shirts, sweat-shirts, shorts or ripped jeans. And when they say 'turn your cell phones off' turn them OFF, not just to silent. (I can't even count how many people I saw on their phones at intermission, because your email and Facebook are too important not to be checked for the duration of a three hour show). And for goodness sake, arrive on time. The people sitting to my left didn't come until 'The Wizard and I' was almost over, and of course they caused a disruption because their seats were in the middle of the row! If I ran a theatre, any guests that aren't in their seats by curtain would have to wait in the lobby until intermission.

Okay I'm done.

Wicked was INCREDIBLE!! Anne Brummel's Elphaba was perfect! And although I wasn't sold on Natalie Daradich's G(a)linda right away, she grew on me and ended up nailing it! The thing that I think surprised me the most was how small the cast was at the curtain call. The monkeys, students, Emerald Citizens and 'Ozians'are all portrayed by the same 15 people (who must undergo some serisouly complicated costume/make-up/wig changes several times throughout the show) but you don't really realize that until they take their bows.

The cast was so talented and the sets were just incredible. I truly think I could sit through this show every night of my life and get something different out of it!

Plus, I got another mug to add to my collection!!

Where East meets West

I can't believe it's been almost four years since I went to Turkey. It was such an incredible experience. The 'following in St. Paul's footsteps' of it, and the 'ancient meets modern of it'. Being somewhere with such a rich history, and such friendly people. I was there for two weeks, and it wasn't enough. Just 17 students, a college professor, Turkish guide fluent in English and our bus driver Mustafa (I'm not even kidding, that was his name.) I ate real Turkish delight, and delicious baklava with apple tea. I saw gorgeous mosaics with so much detail they looked like paintings, beautiful mosques, bazaars that were like a scene right out of Aladdin, and ancient temples in various states of ruin. I absolutely LOVED the experiences I had in Turkey.

And now my TV is taunting me. Showing Turkey tourism commercials when there is no way I could afford to go or even have the time off from work to do so is just plain mean. I am itching to go somewhere. Anywhere. I vowed when I got my passport that I was going to get as much use out of it as possible before it expired and it has been collecting dust for the past 4 years. While part of me would be perfectly okay never leaving my apartment except to visit my parents every once in a while, another part of me just wants to be a nomad and go EVERYWHERE...

But I have no money and too many responsibilities so I'm here.

Me (with long hair) in front of the Hagia Sofia in Istanbul