I hope this is my last post about 'Jon'...I'm getting comments from my reader (Hi Becca!) and I never intended this blah-g to be turned into a diary.
I don't know why I put myself through this, and it's not his fault that he doesn't like me back. He's not a jerk, and that's the hardest part. He's a nice guy, so of course I'm not the only girl who can see that. And I put on a mask of 'eh' as a defense mechanism...therefore girls that act more girly catch his attention. None of this is really his fault, which makes it hard to hate him. Which makes it hard to stop being stupid about him. I've been listing to my 'Over It' playlist and I'm in the 'Gives You Hell', 'Bust Your Windows', 'Bowling Ball' stage...I'm not ready for the 'Many a New Day', 'Up and Up', 'The Middle' stage yet. But it's really hard to be mad at someone who didn't do anything wrong. "I guess if someone doesn't love you back, it isn't such a crime"...I'm mostly mad at myself for getting myself into this. And I've got the upset stomach, the feeling of dis-ease, and the inability to eat and sleep.
I'm 24 and I haven't been on a date in 4 and a half years...what is wrong with me? Why do I keep picking these Monet/Degas guys? Why can't I find a nice, genuine guy who won't break my heart.
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